Dear 13-Year Old Me

/ Jodi

Dear 13-Year Old Jodi –

Almost 40 years later, it is so good to talk.  I wish we could have done this sooner.

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8th Grade Class Photo – Almost 13

But this will be good for both of us, because in so many ways this 52-year old woman is still that 13-year old girl.

There is so much I wish you could know that we know now to make the road easier.  But then again, maybe we wouldn’t be who we are if we didn’t have those toils and trials and tribulations that young girls must go through to truly appreciate life and being a woman.

But it is okay, because we turn out okay (actually GREAT in spite of ourselves), so try not to be so hard on us!

Don’t worry so much about what everyone else thinks  …  what is cool….  what is considered beautiful by teenage standards.   Be secure in who YOU are…. Self-esteem is beautiful in a girl and in a woman….  There is more to beauty than being “skinny,”  than wearing make-up, than having long, blonde straight hair (which we still never have!), than name-brand clothes and shoes and purses…

Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up, wear make-up, shave your legs, date…  Enjoy being a girl, because looking back, it flashes in a blink, and you have a long time to be a woman.

Don’t feel like you have to be anything you aren’t just for a boy to “like” you.  You are fine just the way you are, and you will find that people are going to “love” you just for who you are.  Just be patient, be confident, and know the best is yet to come.

We were in such a hurry to grow up.  I wish I could tell you to slow down.  We couldn’t wait to hit that “magical” number of 13.  It meant “grown up” to us.  We were a teenager!  We didn’t realize how difficult it was going to be at times, and 12 wasn’t so bad – eh?

We moved a lot.   Things changed as we were growing up.  Our parents divorced… Mom remarried… she told us we have a new Dad going forward…. we weren’t going to see first Dad anymore…  She told us he was glad to turn us over to a new Dad…

That was hard on us.  SOOO hard on us!  How do we just do that?  But by 13, we were used to it – huh?  After all, it had been four years, and our new Dad was good to us.  He gave us a good life and he tried to love us like his own.  We will always be grateful for him.

But that didn’t make us miss our first Dad any less.  And we didn’t see our first Dad for a  really long time.  We dreamed about bumping into him on the street, and hugging and embracing and having him tell us we were beautiful and he knew us right away and he missed us, and he was sorry.  When we got married, we wondered what he would think of us and who we chose.  What it would be like to have him walk us down that aisle and dance to “Daddy’s Little Girl.”  When we had our first child, we wondered what he would think of being a Grandfather to our son.  If he would be proud of the kind of mother we had become.  We missed him, but we always put it in the back of our mind and memory, and we were grateful for what we did have and who we did have.

But guess what?  He comes back into our life – and he loves us – and he missed us – and he does everything he can to make our dreams of him come true.  So be patient, and know that you will have a beautiful reunion, and you will then talk to him almost every day, and you will make up for lost time.   With him back in our life also comes another Mom, who has waited patiently for a “daughter” that Dad promised him.  We have some more brothers and a beautiful Aunt and Uncle and cousins, who love us too, and have waited for us to come back into their lives.  I wish you could know that this would come, and you didn’t have to feel sad and not good enough and not loved enough.

At 13, we don’t even realize it, but we have one of the best friends we will ever have in our life.   And she is still one of our best friends to this day!  Her family is like our family.  They love us like their own – and we love them with a power and passion that cannot be put into words.  We will visit often with her, we will go on vacations together, we will tell her our deepest, darkest secrets, and she still loves us even though she knows all of our brokenness.  If you could only know now what a blessing we have found in her…. but we move on – for a while.

We make other amazing lifelong friends, and since we have a falling out with our family, which is very difficult, we are so fortunate to have a support network of friends who are like family – who are our chosen family.  Who choose us as family.  We have a very full, loving “family.”

We will go through a few difficult situations with boys/men that will make us wonder, but we end up meeting an amazing man, and he will be our life partner.  He will be our rock, our comfort, our steady through storms, our logic in times of confusion, the father of our sons (yep – we have two amazing boys!  You always wanted to be a mom – and your dream will come true!).  This man, who we will meet in just three short years and marry in just six, will be our forever life partner.  We have been married 33 years now, and we can’t imagine spending it with anyone else.

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Senior Class Photo – 16 years Old

It won’t be perfect – don’t get me wrong. Fairy tale marriages can be so deceiving.  We will learn that love is a verb, not a noun.  It is an action.  It is giving as much as receiving.  It is learning what language our partner needs to hear or feel or receive love in.  But our husband understands this so much better than us, and he teaches us, and we are so very fortunate to have him.  He has a mom and dad that taught him well and that teach us and love us.  We lose them too soon, but we were there for them and they were there for us, and that is all we can ask for.

But we still went through a few crazy dates and experiences before we found him.  So PLEASE remember to carry money in your purse for a phone call, so when that boy tries to do what he did on that “date,” you can call for help.  (What were we thinking going out without even the dime needed for a pay phone back then?  Everyone carries cell phones now, and it is easier to communicate, but back then it was scary, and you were so trusting and innocent.)

Don’t be impressed with “men” who want to make you feel important and loved in inappropriate ways.  You don’t need that to be special.  They are the ones that are insecure and need to feel important.  You are fine just the way you are. Run from them – fast!  Don’t look back.  Don’t be fooled.  Men that are married and have children and show interest in 13-year old girls are the ones with problems – not YOU!

I know all you want to do is grow up and find Prince Charming and be a mom, but you get to work a little first, and that is good for you.  You will get time for that wonderful experience and be a stay-at-home mom for quite a while.  You will scrimp a bit financially to be able to afford it, but it will be worth it.  And once the boys are teenagers, you will go back to work, and you will thoroughly enjoy working, without regrets.

You will get to work for a company that cares for people in their homes when they have surgeries or chronic diseases or face end of life.  You will be part of spreading the word about the good things your company can do for people at end of life, and you will work for a company that appreciates and values work-life balance and family priorities, but you will also work hard and love it.

Be patient, young one.  Be strong.  Be confident.  Know we are going to have a good life and turn out just fine.

With Love,
52-Year Old Jodi

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August, 2015 – 52 years YOUNG!

This post was inspired by my dear cousin, Nikole, who shared the idea with me to write a letter on my blog to my younger self.

83 thoughts on “Dear 13-Year Old Me”

  10. You are so lovely Jodi. You must be a wonderful daughter, sister, cousin, niece, mother and friend. I find 50 to be so refreshing. I like to say I’m good in my own skin…time wisdom it all comes together. Such a beautiful post!

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    • Thank you Cathe. I’m definitely not always wonderful. Nobody is… 50 is quite refreshing, and I am better in my own skin than ever – just could really do without the wrinkles and crinkles. I love them on everyone else but me! HAHA!

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  13. What a great letter, Jodi. So I have to ask some questions because aside from the obvious stuff, I wondered how writing this made you feel and what you thought about as you went through your life. Any emotions that you weren’t expecting?

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    • Thank you, George. It was very cathartic. It brought back a lot of those emotions – sadness, anger, unworthiness, insecurity, fear, vulnerability – but it also felt good to know it all turned out in the end, and maybe someone somewhere will read it and find hope? Maybe it will be shared with a young girl who has similar struggles or worries or fears or insecurities (which most all 12-16 year old girls do). Heck – look at me at 12 1/2 – I look like a boy – haha! I hadn’t even begun to “develop” yet – but these emotions were beginning to go through my head and continued to for several years -some for decades – some I still feel! Oh we women (all humans) are complicated vessels of emotions. I am a deep thinker – sometimes TOOO deep! haha! Thanks for asking George. How did it make you feel?

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      • My feelings moved with you as you told your story. Sometimes I felt bad/sad and other times I felt happy. But I also felt good for you that you were able to get all this out and shared. And it made me happy knowing you’re in a good place right now, that in spite of all the difficulties, you have come through it all and found your place in life with the people you care most about.

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  15. Oh, Jodi, that made me tear up! I had thought about what I would say to my teenage self but it wasn’t anything quite so eloquent (it was mostly just “don’t be so angst-y; life gets much, much better after high school”). ❤ your letter!

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  16. I did not know the 13 year old Jodi, but the 52 year old is a wonderful woman. Perhaps you would not be the woman you are today without the sad times but the woman you are today is loved and beautiful, in and out. I am so lucky to know the Jodi of today.

    Much love,
    Kate

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    • I think you are right, Kathleen, in that what we go through makes us who we are, so I shall not regret. I am the lucky one to have YOU in my life. Much love back at ya! xo

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  19. This made me cry!!!!! I love you my dear sweet, wonderful, friend, who I choose as my Sister to walk thru those years and share life with! Thank you for never ceasing to amaze me and ALWAYS continuing to GIVE way more than you receive! I LOVE YOU, and your amazing family!!!😘😘😘

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    • Oh John – You are always so kind! Thank you – especially for saying I’m beautiful – haha! Looked like a boy at 12 1/2 – then my boys laugh at my 16 year old picture with a “fro” as they call it. Now – plenty of wrinkles and crinkles! But – my heart is happy. 🙂

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  26. My heart is full! This is is so beautifully written! I felt your sadness and I felt your joy and I am so blessed to feel your friendship! You have survived tough times too, but look at the joy you spread around! 🙂 Hugs and love to you!

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  28. Beautiful beautiful beautiful description of your life story! That’s all I can say! Jodi you are really 52 years YOUNG 💁🏼☺️☺️ Thanks for sharing with us!

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  29. Oh Jodi! What insignificant words I have at this moment to comment on your blog post. So many emotions. Only one stands out. . . . . . . . . I love you very much my friend. Julie

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  31. Jodi this is just beautiful! You write from your heart and it shows. Such a beautiful story of your life and I love the idea of writing to your younger self with all the knowledge and life experiences you have gained through your life so far. Any young person would benefit so much from your insight. Ahh to start again at 13 with this knowledge!! But then again it would be a different story wouldn’t it 🙂

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  32. wow. amazing. tears, smiles, frowns, scowls, chuckles. Jodi you are very gifted at writing, laying your self bare and allowing us in to see what a wonderful human being you are. great writing. lovely story of your life, ..so far 🙂

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  34. That was beautiful, and so well written. What a lovely and honest summary of your life since the age of thirteen, but more than that, what an affirmation of life. Things do get hard, there are painful losses along the way, but there are also reconciliations, new friendships formed and, if we don’t shut ourselves off, always people to love us and be our family, related or not. Thanks so much for sharing this.

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  35. I was touched reading this, having you open up so honestly. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. You’ve seen a lot of my insides and I guess we’ve come full circle.

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