What is the Answer?

/ Jodi
Foggy Morning – Mars, PA – June 2018

What is the answer?

What are the questions?

Why is it happening?

What can we do?

The recent suicides of two very famous people last week – Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain  – have brought back a lot of memories for me and have had me thinking a lot.

Those of you who have been around here for a while may recall I lost my brother to suicide a year and a half ago.  He took his life two days after Christmas on December 27, 2016 by stepping in front of a train.  He left a note stating “no Clarence for me.”

There are moments – some clumped together in periods longer than others – that I dwell in the sorrow.

I want to have some magical answer…. some greatly insightful advice.

I don’t want to just talk about it.  I don’t want to just be sad.  I want to declare the solution.  I want to shout out the answer.  I want to rid the world of this grief.

But I can’t find it.

Except to say let’s love one another.

Let’s be there for one another.

Let’s hug.

Let’s listen.

Let’s support each other.

Let’s hold each other up… allow others to lean on us, and allow ourselves to lean on others.

Let’s embrace our humanity.

Let’s accept each other.

Let’s accept ourselves.

Let’s belong to each other and to this world.

We are each here for a purpose.

Let us seek and declare and own that.

You are loved.

Keep on keepin’ on.

Love,
Jodi

71 thoughts on “What is the Answer?”

  2. Nice uplifting words you have chosen in moving forward despite the sorrow that you naturally feel Jodi about the loss of your dear brother. I know that the recent celebrity suicides have generated a lot of recent news media about suicides. The problem is that all suicides in my opinion are not naturally considered equal. Sometimes it is clearly obvious of why one chose that path and in other cases it is a total shock and no one saw it coming. All we can do is to live our lives as best as we can, be there for others a best as we can and to always love one another unconditionally. Luv, Gary

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  4. (((Hugs))) dear Jodi! I don’t know what the answers are either. Like you I have so many questions instead. I feel your poem expresses things so well!
    We long for a magical cure to stop this thing which causes great sorrow and leaves so many holes in so many Ives.
    My dear friend’s husband committed suicide 10 years ago. It was horrible ! There are no easy answers, and we can’t carry around guilt. But you are so right in it being important to let them know they are loved and being there for them. Letting them be open and honest about their pain. Listening to what their heart says, which can be different from the words coming out of their mouth.
    Love ya my friend! ❤

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  6. Thank you for these thoughtful words. The deaths last week of these two famous people deeply affected me. With everything going on in the world we need to support each other and listen, listen, listen. Hugs to you. Love Carol

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  7. OMG, Jodi, no I didn’t know about your brother. Oh! I am SO sorry you carry this burden on your Soul. BIG (((HUGS)))!!! Knowing of one whose attitude is in the toilet most of the time no matter what others around do or say, know that sometimes even if loved ones did their best to help that person, it is up to that person to pull away from suicide. You are in my Heart today!! 💞💞💞

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  9. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words Jodi. I wish I knew what the answer was around helping people who are in such pain, to offer them a hand to step out of the darkness that surrounds them. Although we have made strides in the area of mental health, I think we still have such a long way to go. Wishing you a lighter heart my friend.

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  10. Jodi, I hear and echo every word. I know how these two recent and high profile deaths at their own hands will have made more acute your grief for your brother. It is still very early days. In some ways it will always be so. All we can do is make sure we are loving and kind and decent and that time is never something that we fail to give others. Many many many of those who pass in this most tragic way give no signs. So arms around the world and my arms around you, dear friend. I send you great love ❤️ xx

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  11. Just lovely, Jodi! I know your heart will never be the same. It hurts! We must address mental health in this country. It is brushed under the table—if we don’t talk about it, it isn’t real! Sending you love and hugs! I wish we could meet. I know we would be great friends! XXX

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  12. I think your words are the best answer, and the only thing we can do to address these tragic losses. I’m so sorry about your brother, and wish you peace and healing. I’m also impressed by the way you have used your grief to reach out to others and to try to find ways to help each other so we stop losing people to suicide. I know it sounds trite, but it’s true: you’re in my thoughts and prayers, my friend!!!

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  15. This hits very close to home for you, Jodi.

    We are struggling with suicide in our county, where words like ‘epidemic’ are being used. I think you are right—we need to be there for each other, close and caring.

    I recently saw an article that talked about how women with suicidal tendencies who have children often don’t attempt or complete because of those important bonds. How do we reach people alone and make them know they are love and cherished and that their passing leaves a giant rent in the fabric of this world?

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    • That is so insightful Pam! It shows how powerful love is. We must share this love. And YOU do! Your blog posts share how the simplest of daily activities create such joy and meaning. You keep doing what you are doing! It is such a good thing!!! ❤

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  17. A beautiful and very touching post, Jodi! Suicide is so devastating to the families it touches. If only they could hang on for one more day they will see that their feelings of despair are only temporary. Yes, we need to show each other more love and be there for one another. Big ((HUGS!!)).

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  19. Jodi I am sorry about your brother. It is such a hard thing to accept. My brother took his own life 2 years ago. He had struggled for so long in his case it was almost relief that his torment was over. The ending of a life this way is sad and tragic on so many levels. I hope you will find healing in remembering him in a positive light. 💖

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    • I am sooo very sorry for your loss too!! Our situation was somewhat similar. I completely understand what you are saying. Sadly, it was somewhat of a relief. A release for him from his struggle. But I still wonder…….. what could I have done differently…. I’m sure you understand. Thank you for the peace and love you send. Sending it back to you! ❤

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  23. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your brother by suicide. I have a family member who has attempted twice and it is almost humanly impossible to stop it:( I finally came to the conclusion that I was doing everything I could for them and I had to let fate take its course. I sometimes think, if everyone has a purpose, maybe our purpose is to carry this burden and their purpose was to give it to us??

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    • thank you! it is so hard to understand. I don’t think your purpose is to carry that burden. I believe all of us have a purpose to love and accept and give of ourselves. It is what keeps me going. I am so sorry for what you have been through. Know that others have been there and understand and love you for who you are and all you have done! Hugs! Love ❤

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  27. “Do not be dismayed by the darkness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in the darkness for the light that is you.” – L. R. Knost. Your light shines, warming the heart and touching the soul. One never completely dies, as long as one is remembered. Thank-you!

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    • Oh Ellen – you always have the right thing to say – the right quote to share! I’ve read this so many times, and I feel the love. THANK YOU!!! Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. That is what YOU do! HUGS and love. xo

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  28. Your words were never more true than they are now – love is what this world is missing…caring for one another, going beyond ourselves to think of others, hugs, tenderness, no shame, no blame…Thanks for your continued loving spirit and sunshine Jodi…XOXO

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  32. I wonder if I was going through this, if I would go silent instead of sharing like you are. I’m sure your openness will help someone else. I do remember when your brother died. It affected me deeply since I have a big brother who is troubled. Thank you for sharing.

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