I failed…

I let people down.
I let myself get upset.
I got in over my head.
I took on more than I could handle – bit off more than I could chew.

And now…
I have to eat crow,
because I told everyone about it before I really carefully considered it,
before I really tried it,
before I realized the time and commitment involved.

You may recall I got all excited about some paintings I did for a sweet blogging friend, Carolyn, who is co-authoring a book with Colin.  Carolyn had challenged me to paint some characters in the book they are writing.  I did, with the full intention of gifting them to her, but when she fell in love with them (and Colin liked them too), they asked if I would be interested in illustrating their book.

In my enthusiasm, I eagerly accepted.

Then they sent me the first chapter to illustrate…

After three evenings’ attempts, my “illustration” didn’t even look good enough to turn in for a First Grade art project!

I grew frustrated and began to get nervous at how much time would be involved in creating 30 illustrations – likely through multiple iterations – and the time I had to do it in -considering I work full time (and then some), the time I love spending with my family, the time I enjoy on this blog, and the real creativity I enjoy.

What was I thinking??  I have no education or professional experience in this.  I am NOT an illustrator.  I love loose, expressive watercolor painting – painting flowers and birds and any ole’ thing that strikes my fancy.  I love turning them into cards and prints and sharing and selling them on my Daughter-in-Law’s and my little Etsy Shop.

But drawing and painting pictures and scenes….   Well – not only do I not (currently) have the talent  (I say that because I believe anyone can learn to do almost anything they want to do with enough time, practice, effort, and passion for it), but I honestly don’t have the time or the passion for it.

So I quickly told Carolyn and Colin this just wasn’t going to work for me.

It was HARD!

I do not like to fail…
I do not like to give up…
I do not like to break commitments…
I do not like to let people down.

But they were so understanding, and my four paintings were carefully packaged and mailed to Carolyn for her to always have as a small gift and remembrance from me.

And I have to admit a weight has been lifted from my shoulders,
and my heart is light and carefree again.
I failed, but I failed fast and am not beating myself up about.
I uncommitted quickly and decisively and before I got in too deep.

I painted this big red letter F.
I loosely painted a big red circle around it.

and I feel Free,
and I am Forgiving myself.
I am Focusing on what I love to do,
and I am having Fun…

at Life In Between.

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

PS  Thank you Carolyn and Colin for your faith in me, for giving me this experience, for helping me realize where my heart is, and for forgiving me for letting you down.  I wish you the greatest success on your Moonbeam Farm books!  I know I’ll be purchasing and reading them – and admiring someone else’s illustrations! 🙂