In honor of this special day, I wanted to share a watercolor painting I created.
It started with a relaxing Sunday afternoon painting session where I just sat on the porch outside and painted from the heart to one of my favorite songs.
I had no idea what it was going to turn out to be, and I truly had no intention for what I was painting except to “feel” the music.
Sometimes I do these types of paintings and then “sit” on them for a while. I just let them “hang out,” and I glance at them every once in a while until something pulls me in and speaks to me.
And it did. It reminded me of the wound that was healed by the light that entered it.
I spent a good part of yesterday putting up our Christmas tree.
I’m being a bit more “minimalist” about decorating this year. I’ve decided not to put out all the santas or all the snowmen I’ve collected over the years.
Instead… I’m opting for a more white and silver and elegant kinda vibe.
But I did spend hours working on the tree.
I had forgotten I bought a brandie new 9 foot tall beauty last year until we brought it out of the attic, and I realized the box was completely sealed. What a fun “surprise!”
What a lot of work “fluffing” the branches!
But, unlike past years, I didn’t care how long it took. No rushing this year. I put the movie White Christmas on, and I sang along with Bing and Danny and Rosemary and Vera. And I fluffed and reflected.
I reflected on Decembers and Christmases and trees past.
I smiled remembering cutting down live trees and decorating them with handmade ornaments from my mother-in-law and vintage balls painted with my name and the year on from my childhood when we were so young we were still kids ourselves. Money was tight but the joy was so joyous!
My eyes teared up remembering hubby lifting our little boys high up in the air so they could take their turn every other year reaching the tippy top of the tree to crown it with the star.
I laughed remembering the magic of Sammy our magical elf, who came every December 1st – long before anyone had ever heard of Elf on a Shelf (oh why didn’t I think to market it!!!). He is the one “ornament” I put on the tree no matter the “theme” each year. He’s been coming around for 30 years.
I felt melancholy remembering loved ones who we spent Christmases with who are no longer with us – those who have passed, but live in our hearts forever.
I remembered the emptiness of those first empty nester years.
I reminisced about the first Christmas being reunited with my Dad and the wonderful, loving extended family that came along with him.
I rejoiced in the renewed joy and magic that grandchildren have brought to Christmas.
And I celebrate life. I am choosing to celebrate the woman I’ve become through the time and experiences I’ve been given. I am making an effort every day to be the me I am meant to be – not comparing to others – those younger or thinner or smarter or wealthier or more talented or whatever we all compare each other about. I am telling myself every day that I am enough. As Dr. Seuss said, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” December is also my birthday month (even if it doesn’t come until the very last day of the month!). And as a very wise friend, who faced and battled cancer years ago once told me when I said I don’t want to celebrate birthdays any more as I get older… “Celebrate! Each day and year is a gift. Not everyone gets this opportunity.”
May you find time to reflect on the memories, joys, sorrows, blessings and gifts of your life. Have a beautiful December!
Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads! Here is a photo taken a couple years ago of me between two of my faves: my Dad and Hubby.
And in honor of Father’s Day, I want to share a blog post I originally wrote and posted five years ago. Today also happens to be my Dad’s birthday, so it is a very special day indeed!
July 17, 2014
Today is a very special Anniversary… A day that brings back floods of memories… floods of emotions…. reflections on time missed… but celebration of time and love shared… from here on…
You see – Today is a Father-Daughter Anniversary. Today is the 4 year anniversary of my reunion with my Dad (my “birth father”).
And I thought it deserved a special anniversary card to send to Dad to help us cherish the day.
So you might think that sounds a bit odd…. Father and Daughter Anniversary???
Well – I’m going to share a kinda big chunk and pretty personal part of my heart today. So – if you’re not into that or not interested, you may just want to skip this blog.
So here goes…
On July 17, 2010, I was reunited with my Dad (my “birth father” Dad so as not to be confused with another great man in my life that I also call Dad – I know – a bit confusing – and on top of that both of their names are John!).
It was a day neither of us will ever forget.
The reason(s) for our separation for 39 years is really not the point or purpose of this story, nor do I feel appropriate to share, but the joy in our reunion is the focus here…. And oh what JOY we have shared.
For our second Christmas together again in 2012, I presented Dad with a book I wrote for him.
I called it, “The Journey Back to Daddy’s Girl.” The book is a celebration of our initial exchange of emails leading up to our reunion that covers the course of only a few short weeks, but close to 70 pages of exchanges. It chronicles how we discovered each other again – an adult daughter close to 50 years old – and an even more adult father – close to 70 years old who last saw each other when the little girl was 9 years old and the Daddy was just barely past 30.
We (well mostly I) asked each other questions (sometimes difficult ones) and our exchanges evolved from closings with “John (BF)” to “Love you, Dad”s.
Let me share the “Introduction” with you here.
———-
“Once upon a time, there was a little girl. Jodi had a Mom and a Dad and a little brother.
Life was good, until one day when Daddy left. Then Jodi just got to visit with Daddy on the weekends, until a day came when Mom introduced Jodi and her brother to a new Dad, and told her she would not be seeing her other Daddy any more.
Jodi lived a good life. Her new Dad and Mom took good care of her and her brother and her new baby sister, but Jodi always felt something was missing.
She thought of her first Dad throughout her life.
She dreamed of bumping into him on the street… their eyes would lock, and they would immediately recognize each other. Dad would tell her he loved her and missed her and was so proud of the woman she had become…..
Sometimes dreams do come true…”
———-
Marty (for those new here – the hubster), was instrumental in helping me find my Dad.
It is so much more incredibly easier than imaginable with the internet and people search software these days.
Marty has known for years – probably before I even realized – that there was a part of me missing – that there were unanswered questions – that there was a dad out there that I needed – and who needed me. He has asked me over the years about it – ever since we started dating when I was a mere 16 year old high school girl and he was a “mature” 20-year old “man.” (That story is a whole blog post for another day). When Marty realized my yearning had grown so strong, and my need was so great, he was the one that took the step to reach out for me, and the resulting reply is etched in my mind and on my heart forever:
“Hi Jodi – Yes. I am your “Birth Father.” It was an answer to prayer hearing from you. I hope that you and John are both fine. To this day, I regret the worst decision I have ever made. I was talked into doing something, but I had my own mind. At the time, I thought I was doing the best thing for your two. Can you ever forgive me?”
And so began my Journey back to Daddy’s Girl.
And now we celebrate four wonderful years of being a reunited father and daughter, which began on July 17, 2010 when my Dad showed up to my house with a huge bouquet of flowers, a face that looked exactly like mine (and resembles Tom Jones I think only to me 🙂 ), immediately telling me he loved me, and he missed me, that I was beautiful (only to him I’m sure 🙂 ),and he was so proud of me. You see – he wanted to fulfill my dream… He wanted our reunion to be the wonderful event I had dreamed about over the years…
We both cried – happy and sad tears. And we have talked almost every day since then. We’ve spent birthdays and holidays and Father’s days together. He was with me at our son Jake’s wedding. He loves my family as his own. His family has embraced me as their own. They have always known about me, and they welcomed me with open arms.
I will never forget the first time I met my Dad’s wife, Carole (aka Mom 2). The first thing she said to me was, “Your Dad always promised me a daughter, and now I have one. We’ve been praying for you for a long time.”
The epilogue of my book closes with:
———-
And so it began …….
With a simple email …
A journey back to Daddy’s girl.
And now, two and a half years later …
… we write each other almost every day
… and talk every weekday morning at 7:05
We’ve spent Father’s days together and holidays and birthdays and are part of each other’s lives again.
Our families love each other and we love each other.
‘What a Difference You’ve Made in My Life’
Dreams do come true!
this is notTHE END.”
———-
Father & Daughter Reunion Day – July 17, 2010
I hope this message will encourage those adult children who were separated from birth parents – at whatever age (birth, childhood, teenager, young adult) – for whatever reason – to reach out and try if it is something that has yanked on and ached in your heart for years.
Maybe your ending will not turn out as good as mine did (and of course there is much more to our story than I’ve shared here so far) , but can anything hurt more than the emptiness and not-knowing that you feel every day? Could the potential rejection be any worse than what you have imagined or decided or dealt with for years in your heart?
Love is worth the risk. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Closure or resolution or answers to decades of unanswered questions can let you sleep at night… can bring you peace… can make you right with yourself! I’m certainly not an educated or trained professional in this area, but I can only speak of my own personal experience.
I wish you joy. I wish you peace. I wish you resolution. I wish you wholeness of heart – no matter the ending. YOU are worth it. YOU are here for a reason. YOU are loved.
Happy 4 year “Anniversary” Dad! I love you, and I cherish you! (And I’ve been listening to “our song” again this week. I’m betting you will too.) ❤ “What a Difference You’ve Made in My Life!”
Crispness in the air.
Leaves turning colors and falling.
Front porch sitting.
Taking time to breathe.
And relax.
And snuggle.
Neighbor dog visits.
Grandbabies giggle.
Swinging the heaviness of the day away.
Cherish the moments.
Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi
After two very heavy-hearted days being riveted to the hearing of Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford and Brett Kavanaugh, a late Friday afternoon on the front porch swinging with one grandbaby while hubby held the other was just what was needed. The air turned crisp, Charlie rolled in the grass, the neighbor’s dog visited. And for just a moment….. the world was perfect. Cherish the moments!
I believe I married one of the smartest men in the universe. Not only does he know everything about history and geography and science, he knows how to fix almost anything (with very few exceptions), and he innately wants to help everyone – from family and friends to strangers – by using his knowledge and skills. We may not always agree on everything (like politics or what to watch on TV), but I think I have grown to love and admire him more this year than in all the 39 years of knowing him.
Watching my oldest son become a father and watching the love and adoration between him and his child grow is one of the most beautiful gifts a mom can receive.
Watching my youngest son marry the love of his life and the joy she brings to him is all I could ever ask for.
Spending time with my first daughter-in-law sharing our love of handmade crafting or our greater love of my first grandchild are some of my favorite times this year.
Gaining a second daughter-in-law has expanded my heart even more than I could have imagined, and being welcomed into her family has been such an added bonus.
There is no word (someone must come up with one) to express the indescribable joy felt when watching your first grandchild smile at you for the first time, reach her arms out to you when she sees you, and say “MahMaw” (Grandma) for the first time!
Turning 55 (today!) isn’t so bad. Getting to this stage of life has brought more blessings – more love – deeper relationships with family and friends – than the disadvantages of extra weight, extra sags, extra grays, and extra wrinkles.
2017 was a pretty awesome year! I encourage you to think of seven things you learned or loved in 2017. I am sure there are many more than you realize.
Out of the 365 days…
or perhaps the 8, 760 hours….
maybe even the 525,600 minutes….
How do you measure a year?
This week of Christmas, I am sharing a few of my favorite posts from the past. I couldn’t share favorites without including one of my all-time favorite people …. Grandma…. my Stella Star…. in this post I wrote 3 1/2 years ago.
This day is also a day of sad remembrance of a sweet little boy (shown below with Grandma and Grandpap and me in 1968) – my brother, Johnny, before life and alcoholism stole his life as an adult when he decided one year ago today to step in front of train and let us know there would be no “Clarence” for him….
It was also the birthday of my beautiful, sweet, loving sister-in-law, whose life was cut way too short at 50 years old several years ago to cancer.
Life brings many memories – happy and sad, good and bad. If we didn’t love, loss wouldn’t hurt so much….. But it’s still worth it…. And it’s ok to have sad memories as well as happy ones. It means we loved…. and that’s what life is about.
Stella Star – remembering grandma
Grandma & Grandpap, Johnny & Jodi – 1968
Grandma was my F-A-V-O-R-I-T-E person in the whole wide world growing up.
I have so many happy memories about Grandma I could probably write an entire book.
I took a walk on my lunch break yesterday afternoon in between raindrops and thunderstorms, and for some reason, I thought about Grandma an extra lot on that walk.
I think everything about early summer – the sights, the sounds, the smells – remind me of Grandma.
Maybe it is because I spent almost EVERY SINGLE DAY of EVERY SINGLE SUMMER growing up at Grandma’s house.
Oh – it was the BEST camp ever!
I learned so much from a lady that had to quit school in 4th grade to stay home and take care of her three younger brothers after their young mother passed away. At the ripe ole’ age of about 9 or 10, Grandma became mother, housewife, laundress, seamstress, cook, repair person, gardener and lawn tenderer. Can you even imagine? And this is long before automatic washing machines and dryers and sewing machines, disposable diapers, microwaves, cell phones, Google and Youtube, even indoor bathrooms! This was hard work – all day long – every day.
So though grandma was not formally educated, she was one of the smartest people I knew, and I learned so much from her – more than I realized at the time and even more the older I get looking back. She taught me important STUFF about real life – about cooking – about nature – about relationships – about acceptance and being the best of yourself. It was often disguised in humor or tough love or late night talks or swings on the porch or while picking blackberries. She wasn’t really trying to teach me by telling me how to be or what to say or how to act (or was she?). She lived her life in a way that demonstrated it and allowed me to experience it.
Oh she did some pretty UN-smart things too……. Like cutting off half of her middle finger on the lawn mower blade while trying to remove stuck grass without shutting off the mower…. Or cleaning some tough grime off the kitchen floor with gasoline and getting too close to the oven and catching the house on fire….
She never got her driver’s license after driving THROUGH the garage door, but she somehow managed to get around.
Grandma, Jodi & Jake 1987
She couldn’t balance a checkbook, but she was the best penny pincher and gift giver ever.
She did, however, make the absolute best blackberry pie, coffee soup (half coffee/half milk and lots of crumbled up saltines or chunks of toast), homemade sauerkraut and pierogies and halupkis and liver ball soup and apricot bread and nut rolls and salmon patties and dandelion salad and dumplings – oh my!
She also taught me things like how to make beautiful, colorful bouquets of Queen Ann’s Lace(many consider a weed) by putting food coloring in a mason jar vase of water so that when the flowers “drank the water,” their white petals turned pink or green or blue.
She taught me how to build a tent and a fort and how to camp out in the woods (about 500 feet from the house – but oh so far and vast when I was young). Thought I must admit I’m still not very good at that woodsy stuff…. Trying!
She could also splice electrical wires and do plumbing repairs.
She even allowed me to learn through crazy experiments like the time my friend, Janet and I decided we were going to boil worms (in her kitchen) for a science fair experiment! Or clean myself up in her bathroom with her yellow towels after experimenting with a mud mask facial – with REAL mud from the gravel road! (Oh the breakout after that escapade…)
What a sport she was – what a mentor – what a hero!
When grandma got older and became sick, it was my time to repay her. I hope I made her feel as loved as she did me.
Grandma, Jodi, & Nick 1990
I’ll never forget the time when she was recovering from a surgery and stayed with Marty and me in our small home in the spare room so we could look after her closely. I was pregnant with my first son, Jake at the time, and still working full time. Grandma was having trouble sleeping at night and would get chilled and shake and couldn’t get warm. She called out in the middle of the night and Marty got her an electric blanket, but nothing worked. She kept trembling and shaking until I climbed on top of her – pregnant belly and all – wrapped my arms around her and calmed her until the shivering stopped – warmed from my body heat – and love. And we slept through the rest of the night. I know she would have done the same for me. That is the kind of love she taught me.
Her name was Stella, and I thought that was the silliest name when I was young. She loved her name, however. She would proudly tell me that Stella meant “star,” and as I look back, I realized she was – and still is – my shining star.
Do you have a Stella Star in your life?
Stella Star & Her #1 Fan – 1985
I sure hope so. There’s nothing better.
Love you Grandma – then, now, and at all the stages of Life In Between…
As I sit by the fire late Christmas evening – basking in the warmth and glow of a wonderful Christmas holiday spent over the past week or so with many of those I love most, I feel so grateful. The house is quiet, except for the dishwasher running, the fire crackling, and a holiday movie playing in the background.
I’m feeling peaceful and content.
There is nothing like the excitement leading up to Christmas, and I loved hosting three dinner parties three days in a row (and that’s not counting one the weekend before). But there is also something very special too about the days that follow Christmas….
The calm afterglow… The snuggling in… The nesting… Looking at pictures… Smiling at the memories.
Movies, books, leftovers, jammies…
Today, I want to share a fun party we had this past Saturday, the eve of Christmas eve, with our McHendy family.
My bestie, Jill and I decided we wanted to surprise our families with a theme, so we created a McHendy Grinchmas Celebration.
A Happy Whoville feast –
complete with Roast Beast (Beef Tenderloin),
Who Mash (Mashed Potatoes),
Grinch Greens (Sauteed Fresh Green Beans with garlic),
and Cindy Lou Who Salad (Crisp Greens, Tart Pomegranate Seeds, Crunchy Pecans, and Creamy Goat Cheese).
This feast was preceded by some fun appetizers earlier in the day, including Grinchy Green Deviled Eggs,
Grinch Santa Hats,
and a Tortilla Wrap Christmas Tree.
And it was followed by a tiered tray of Grinchmas Cookies,
and plenty of other sweet treats.
Each guest received a little favor bucket that included a green ornament with a tiny red heart and lime green and red candies,
as well as a Grinch beanie hat (which we all wore for a fun family photo – with the exception of hubby who wore a full furry Grinch onesie!)
The games planned took a different twist than intended, but ended up being just as fun!
There were sleigh rides and races,
I Spy the Who Hash,
and boxed games around the cleared dinner table.
Guests of honor
adorned the powder room and office doors.
And as we ate and played and talked and laughed and cried, we celebrated being family in every true, authentic sense of the word. And we reminded ourselves that “Merry Christmas doesn’t come from the store. Maybe Christmas perhaps is a little bit more.”
the creative life in between 