Opening Up- Being True to Me

/ Jodi

My everblooming yellow rose bush of friendship from bestie JRH – 08/19

Opening Up.

I need to open up about something.
I have recently been struggling with blogging on a regular basis.

I want to keep this space true to me.
I want to be positive and encouraging and inspiring
(even though we all have bad days – right?).

Many times the things I write about (like my recent post, “Confidence“),
are not only to inspire you, but they are because I need to tell myself.

I’m working on being confident.
I’m working on being fine with just who I am.
But those that know me best,
know I often struggle with that.

I want to be liked – well – really…
I want to be loved (LOL!) by everyone.

I know it is impossible,
but it is something I struggle with….
a people pleaser?
part of my DNA?
identified in personality assessments!
my crutch!

But I’m working on it.

Something about getting older
allows us to be truer to ourselves.
(One of the great perks!)

As a 56 year-old, post-menopausal woman – mother – grandmother…
I am basically invisible to most strangers.

That 20 or 30-something year-old girl that every once in a while
got a whistle or a honk or a drink offer…
or any of those silly things that made me feel validated as a woman…
is ancient history.

And I do kinda like it.
It let’s me be okay with being me.

The me I am in my heart and soul
and mind.

Don’t get me wrong – I still want to look and be my best
(and I wouldn’t mind a drink offer!),
but I know I will never be that “attractive” the world defines for women anymore…
(if I ever was!).

It is fun to wear clothes I wouldn’t have before
and experiment with things I was afraid to be judged on – like art and poetry.

But I digress…
Oh how I digress…  GAH!
Ramble Ramble…
Me being me!

The struggle I want to share with you today is that I am feeling obligated lately to post blog posts at least three times a week on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays like I have been.

When I started blogging almost five and a half years ago in May of 2014,
I blogged every single day.
I kept that up for the better part of five years!
I scheduled posts ahead even when on vacation,
and I obsessively replied to every comment
and followed back most of the bloggers that followed me.

Most of the time I enjoyed it.
I shared things about me.
I shared recipes I loved.
I shared art I created.
I shared photographs I took.
I shared thoughts and words I wrote.

I love(d) the interaction –
and to be honest – the affirmation.

I’ve learned a lot about myself through this process,
and I’ve met some amazing people, many of whom I consider friends.

But the job of blog posting is becoming a bit of a chore….
a bit of an obligation.
And I don’t want to do it that way!

I hate when I have to come up with something for a Tuesday or Sunday or Thursday,
when I feel like I have nothing, and I create something just to have something.

So here is the deal…
I’m not quitting.
I really don’t want to.

But I do want to post just when I want to.

It might be once a week sometimes.
It might be once a month sometimes.
It might be every day some weeks.

If I feel I have relevant material,
and/or if I WANT to post,
I’m going to.

Heck with stats, number of followers,
getting somehow “famous” or recognized or whatever
my original intention might have been.

Going forward, I’m doing this for me…
for the enjoyment I get from it –
not from what I hope to get back.

I hope you will stay with me.
I understand if you won’t.

I want to open myself up to any glorious opportunities
that I may be blessed with that come my way.
I am allowing myself space to grow and expand my horizons.

I will continue to cherish all the moments!
And I will share them when I desire
for those who desire to read about them.

Thanks for listening.
Thanks for being here!
It really does mean so very much to me!

Cheers & Hugs until next time,
Jodi

94 thoughts on “Opening Up- Being True to Me”

  2. Hi Jodi. I’ve been “there” as I imagine have most bloggers. I started blogging daily, and then alternate days, and now whenever something is worth blogging about! My perspective is that I would rather write nothing … than write something not worth reading, and my interest in other bloggers is based on the same perspective. Also keep in mind that so many fellow bloggers do not go to sites to see what’s new, but just wait for that email advisory. I know that regardless of how often you blog, I will be advised soon after you hit that “publish” button! Enjoy your water colours painting, card making, family etc. etc. Enjoy being quite normal! Regards. C.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  3. Hi Jodi, I totally get this blog post! All of it. We are about the same age (54 this month for me). I try to blog once a month, which seems to fit my schedule. Give yourself permission to try the once a week – or even once a month. Your blog post always catch my eye and I always enjoy reading them. Good luck and I’ll be watching. Merci Suz!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. Good for you, Jodi! This should be a joy and not an obligation, and I agree–this time of life (although I’m a little farther into it than you are…) should definitely be about self-discovery. Just know that many of us will probably check in with you if there are long silences, just to make sure all’s well. May the journey be rich and wonderful, my friend!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  6. Hey Jodi,
    Grteat post. I totally get it. I feel the same way. No need to put any time line on when you post…just do it on your terms and you have something you want to share.
    I observed Terry during the couple of years he blogged. He became very obsessive in doong blogs and responding to blogs just as yiu’ve drscribed. He was so frustrated th last few days of his llife when he could barely see or move still trying to maintain his rigid schedule.
    When he died and i initially took over his blog….i started to do the same thing, however over time i had just decided to post when i want on no particular schedule or time of the day and to post about anything I wanted to share. This has been best for me…no pressure and to enjoy life and blogging on my own terms.
    There is nothmg wrong with that.
    So relax. Enjoy life and enjoy blogging if and when you want to!
    Love Gary

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. The Bible tells us, “the truth shall set you free”. Enjoy your freedom and know we love you just the way you are. Your blog has been a breath of fresh air. Thank you for caring and sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  10. This rings so true Jodi. Life is exhausting and full of obligations. Your blog should not be “work”. We all try to keep up with everything and everybody, but we can’t.
    I really identify with being invisible. I first noticed it walking down the street with a teenage daughter. I was definitely not on anyone’s radar from that point on…
    I’m still trying to please everyone too. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. Good for you! You should blog when you want and when its fits into your schedule. I tried to keep a schedule but after a while it didnt work. I just post when I can and when I feel like it. I feel much better that I dont have that self imposed schedule on myself. I realized I need to do this for me and no one or nothing else. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. I knew exactly what you mean! The chance to be creative, the connections with other bloggers all over the world, and especially, the validation of our work are all positive and wonderful things. But over time, blogging can become a bit of a chore, and just one more thing on our “to do” list that needs to be done. And frankly, who needs that?
    Please just post when you want to, about what you want to. I’ll be here to read and comment on your posts, and I know lots of your other readers will as well. What draws us to your blog isn’t the regularity of your posts, it’s the content…the way you share your best self with us through your poems, your art and your recipes. (I’ve got several of yours printed out in my recipe notebook.) It’s the way you are so open and honest about your self-doubt and fears, and even your grief. We can relate to your honesty and it helps us to be more open about our own struggles. So trust me, your readers aren’t going to go away just because you don’t stick to a blogging schedule!
    I’ve been feeling the same way about blogging lately, so if you see a similar post from me in the near future, you’ll know why! (Great minds think alike, and so do ours….)
    Thank you for being such a great blogging friend, and thank you for being such a good blogger, period!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Ann – as you know – I think you know anyway – – you are one of the special ones I’ve connected with through this – and this note means so much to me. Thank you! You are so encouraging and affirming to me! I appreciate it so much – and so many other kind things you have said through the years that have stuck with me. I have learned a lot from you. We have shared similar thoughts – been through so many things together – our kids getting married – becoming grandmas – aging – health – grief – I will always cherish all of it! And who knows – I may blog more often just because I don’t feel obligated. We shall see! But I’m so glad I’ve gained a friend in you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Thank, Jodi! And you know how much I cherish our friendship. We’ve never met in person, yet you’re the one who suggested the song my son and I danced to at his wedding, I have a framed painting of a bunny you did on my walls, and a copy of your book in my grandson’s room. And that doesn’t even mention how many times yours posts spoke to me, and how I used your blog for guidance when I was struggling with my own. You really are a terrific friend and a terrific person!

        Liked by 1 person

  14. God is in everyone and everything,

    After the winter, comes the spring,

    At this time, the birds would sing ,

    Love and light, the divine shall bring ,

    The divine is here , there and everywhere,

    Dare to believe that life is fair ,

    Liberty and justice  we shall  declare ,

    Love and light are not rare …

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. Jodi, I hope you find the balance you are searching for. Like many who have commented here, blogging in my opinion, should never be a chore on our to do list. Perhaps it is the age we are at but life has been rather hectic the past couple of years for me, thus my lack of writing on my blog. Aging parents, precious grandchildren & just life in general. Who knew!? I look forward to seeing & reading here whenever you feel the urge to write. In the meantime, know that you have the support of your friends in the blogging community to go about journey as you see fit. Cheers, Lynn

    Like

    Reply

  16. You have it right! Post when you want if you want. Because YOU want to. True friends even followers get it. Social media shouldn’t be stressful nor should it be running our lives. In some cases ruining lives. So before I rant or ramble any more. Jodi my friend and I do consider you a freind, enjoy your life and all the things you hold dear because that is what is most important.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. Jodi, let me join the chorus of folks telling you how much you brighten our days. It really is a gift that you share so much with us in your paintings, recipes, poetry, and prose. Thanks. You really do have to think about yourself, though, and what you need. I understand all too well how obsessive blogging can become and how you can feel pressure to create on demand. Personally I find a certain comfort in having a routine that includes blogging, but I no longer stress out over missed days. I’ll look forward to your future postings, no matter what schedule you chose to follow (or not to follow).

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • oh Mike! thank you! what a sweet kind soul you are and I am so glad I get to know you through this space. I am so overwhelmed with the support and kindness. I am still here and will stay here – just looking forward to a little more freedom. Thank you and talk soon!! Hugs from Mars!! ❤

      Like

      Reply

  18. Haha!! I think that you wrote exactly what I struggle with! I feel that we all need affirmation and love, truly. I grew up in a family lacking in care or love and I understand why I am needy that way, but I have discovered regardless of background most people want all the affirmation and love that they can glean. I applaud you for taking this turn in your life. Do what feels right, life is too short, post what and when you feel like it! ❤️🌷 Yes, indeed! I am looking forward to your posts when it happens. By the way, I couldn’t resist thinking of Brene Brown, go girl!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Oh Margaret! You are such an inspiration! and thank you for understanding! I am feeling so empowered and loved and blessed! I bet we all have more complicated histories than we share here! I know I do. Some day I may be able to share it. Thank you for the support you have provided for so long – emotionally and artistically. I am a better person for having known you and will continue to be! And I adore Brene! 🙂 ❤ Talk soon!! xo

      Like

      Reply

  19. I have the same feelings. I’ve been blogging for over seven years and the reasons for doing it have changed over the years. I learned a long time ago that not everyone will like me and for reasons that are a mystery to me. I’ve come to accept it and appreciate my friends who love me for the person I am, warts and all. Hang in there and only do as much as you want, not what you think is expected of you. You are a beautiful and talented woman.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Oh Carol – thank you! I have so enjoyed getting to know you and look forward to more – on our own time 🙂 – right?! ❤ You are a beautiful and talented woman too that I truly admire! We'll keep sharing and growing together!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  20. Dear Jodi, you’re one of a core of about five bloggers whose friendship got me through a difficult transitional period in my life. Thanks for all the love, beauty and wisdom you’ve shared. (If it’s ok with you, I’ll reblog ‘Four Seasons with Jodi’ sometime soon). I’m relieved at your honesty because I had a tiny sense it was becoming a burden for you! Compared to me (I’m only a couple of years younger) you’re a Superwoman and you have every reason to feel complete without needing affirmation from fellow bloggers. But when you’re inspired, blog for the joy of it! (You are a joy, Jodi). Hugs from Liz xx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Oh Liz!! What an honor and privilege to be this to you! wow! I am taken aback in a very special way. The love and support here has been so overwhelming and so appreciated. I wish I had the words to express the love I feel. I’m still going to be here. How could I leave this amazing community?! How keen of you to sense the burden I was feeling. It shows me how much you really cared and paid attention. Wow – to have that from the complete other side of the world is so amazing to me. I feel so so blessed. You have given me so much more than you can ever realize Liz! THANK YOU! from the bottom of my heart. Love from Mars to New Zealand! xo

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    • Thank you so much dear friend! You are such an inspiration to me! You are for sure one of the very special relationships I have developed through this space that has made it all so worthwhile! You are a forever friend! ❤ xo

      Like

      Reply

  22. I can relate to where you are at, Jodi, as I suspect many other bloggers do. I have never posted daily, twice a week is what I can manage! But the pressure and time commitment for more frequent posts is not something we should put ourselves through – too hard and the fun disappears! Enjoy your art, your friends and family, and just be. I will look forward to your engaging posts whenever they come.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  24. Jodi, today is my son’s birthday 53 & I’m depressed because we have hardly spoken for 2 years, nothing personal, not an argument or anything. But he is a DISC “I” like you. He is currently struggling, depressed & very much withdrawn from anyone who can see through him. He has become invisible.
    I have sensed you maybe having struggles, mild mid-life crisis, ( why can’t we all look like the housewifes of Beverly Hills or New York) confidence shaken, (like women have ever had a role model that demonstrated what confidence looks like for a girl, not sure even if men have ever had that model). I’m not saying this well, sorry, I’ve been writing this for 2 hours, just not expressing this well.
    Trying a new start again.
    I don’t remember how I found your blog, I think I joined wordpress so that I could read your blog. I thought I had to set up wordpress to read your blog. I had just had a class on alchohol ink, and I just wanted to post it with notes, for myself, no one else to see or read, but I couldn’t figure out wordpress to keep it private & you showed up.

    We had some things in common. I had just started working in watercolor about a year before, & you were also kind of new to iwatercolor .( or so I thought ). I was a card maker & you were also. But I connected with you on an emotional level. Although I thought you had the perfect life & were perfect, you were mostly real & loving & funny, & oh so talented. I could tell. I think we met around the time your son married, ( lots of wonderful cookie recipes )

    I love your photography skills, your watercolors, your discipline to publish everyday that came to my mailbox at 3 am everyday. Not to mention your savvy use of wordpress! And savvy use of “words”
    Beautiful words that explained with such grace, visual experiences, love, kindness & always uplifting. I’ve saved every one of your posts, have one of your books just for the child in me & tried some of your early paintings that looked so simple but aren’t (haha). I’ve never understood how you could be so creative on a daily basis. I found when I was younger that making stain glass, like a commission took all the fun from it. Once it became a job I no longer loved creating it, & call it “writers block” it became a chore to produce anything spontatneous, experimental. (Rambling again)

    You are too authentic & real to continue blogging daily when you can’t be just Jodi. I feel you are struggling momentarily with finding out what is going on and you’ve lost your clarity at the moment of what is your vision. This is what you do so successfully. You stop! You evaluate! You take notice if the road you going down is taking you to the “right” place. The place the younger you thought you should be going. You are wonderful at doing this! I’ve seen this in you several times now. Said yes to doing a book artwork & realized wasn’t right for you. Stopped, embarrased maybe but took ownership not the right decision for you. Came out on the otherside later with your own book! Wow! Jodi I love you for you, just the way you are! Unsure sometimes, overweight, or too short? Take your pick. Not a Beverly Hill’s beauty, but a heart so big that it shines everytime you smile that it should be the measure of beautiful. I’m all over the place here, stumbling badly, but I think you are an “I” (Disc), you are also very real & authentic & it’s difficult for you, when your life vision is no longer clear. When you figure it out, you’ll alter it. You are great at that, and your passion will resume, with what works for you to be you! You have nothing to prove, or feel like you’ve let anyone down, or that you have failed, we have all seen your dicipline, your creativity, your talent, l feel blessed everytime I get your email, but don’t always get time to see them daily. Quality is so much better than quantity. Love how you process situations & re-assess. Trust your instincts. We all go through this…..its part of getting older & I’m sure hormonal. Reach out if you ever need to talk. Don’t want you to ever feel alone & invisible, you are bigger than life, incredible, brave, & so much more than you can see in yourself at this moment & you will have an incredible Legacy. Hugs & much love dear friend. ( forgive me this stumbling comment, my heart is in the right place, my foot is in the way of my mouth )

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Oh Dena!!! forgive you??? Thank you!!!! Wow. I am at a loss for words. Thank you so much for this. My heart is so full right now with gratitude and love. I just need to be quiet and feel and embrace and appreciate it. I cannot thank you enough for these beautiful words of love. Love you friend!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  25. Hi Jodi, wow, I feel as though you’ve just described me and where I’m at. I can so relate to all of this. As an almost 54 year old blogging for just over four years I know how you feel. I’ve cut back on my blogging as I’ve been focusing on my article writing but I’ve realised it’s also because I’ve lost a bit of that spark and motivation. Where I used to blog two or three times a week I’m lucky now to blog once every three weeks. When I do it’s because I really feel a desire to. I’ve always written from the heart but it’s even more so now. I’m on no schedule and funnily enough it doesn’t overly concern me. I still really love the chats and comments with every one, in fact that’s the best part, and sometimes I wish I had my mojo back but I’ve realised it’s ok. So post when you want to Jodi, when something is relevant or really wants to come out. Life’s for sharing sure but it’s mainly about enjoying it to the max and, as you said, cherishing the moments. Your writing always resonates with me. Enjoy life my friend. That’s what it’s all about. Hugs from down under. xx

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  29. Oh Jodi, I really do find it hard to believe you lack confidence! You seem so upbeat and on top of things to me, but I am learning that as we get older we are not as fearless as we used to be…and the responsibilities seem to grow {grandchildren!} rather than diminish…I started blogging to push myself creatively, and I continue to enjoy sharing what I hope is valuable content…it is the structure I need in my life to keep my days as productive as possible. You have lots of things going on with your job, art, shops, shows and of course your babies, I know time is valuable, it should be spent doing what you want to do, not feeling obligated…I will miss your weekly posts and hope that you will continue as you can while you are busy conquering the world!
    Jenna

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • Awww! First of all I love that last line!! How you have inspired me! And as far as confidence – it has actually grown as I’ve aged. But I would still not consider myself a confident person inside. Most that don’t know me well in my heart and soul would totally think I am confident. I’ve always been told I appear confident. I continuously work on really being that. It’s a process and journey, and I’m ok with that. 🙂
      I get what you are saying about the structure. With my full time job, I have plenty of structure – LOL! And I do like structure.
      I promise I’m not leaving. I would so miss it. I just don’t want to feel obligated to certain days.
      All the support here has been so amazing I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
      You are a special one Jenna! Thank you for your friendship!

      Like

      Reply

  31. It is not lost on me that I have opened this post on Friday the 13th! Were I afflicted with Paraskevidekatriaphobia, the news might have been overwhelming. Fortunately, though being superstitious by birthright, I have no actual fear of Friday the 13th or whatever it might bring. That you will be missed cannot be overstated, but less is much better than none. That you have 5000+ followers is definitely an affirmation of how valued you and your talents are in the world of Blogdom. My inbox will be open whenever you choose to post, you are always a welcome addition and gratefully received. Benjamin and Gem not only love “My Jodi”, but also admire you too! We have been blessed to have you as a special part of our lives. “Our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch.” – Judy Blume. Thank-YOU for touching ours!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • My sweet and dear Gem and Benjamin! How you have kept me going so many times. How your love and support has fueled me. How many times you have filled my heart and brought smiles to my face!!
      I promise I’m not done. Too much I love here! Too many amazing people I love. I just don’t want the obligation of a schedule. At least for now. Who knows… maybe I will miss that and go back to it. Maybe just a teensy break for now. I just don’t know – but I felt I needed to share my heart and open up, because I always want to be authentic and intentional with what I do and say. I will be here and always look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for being you – and thanks for being my friend(s)! I love you!!! xo

      Like

      Reply

  33. I have been working on myself, too. So, I get you. As for writing, don’t force it. Do it when it when the naturally comes to you. Don’t force yourself to maintain a schedule, because it just won’t work that day. Write/post things whenever you truly feel like doing it. If you do it twice a day? Fine. If you miss 5 days? Fine, too. Writing is a form of art (to me, anyway) and just like other forms of art/creative endeavours, it should be an enjoyable activity, not an obligation. When you make it an obligation, it goes straight out the window.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  34. Hi Jodi, I can so relate to everything you posted today. 💗 That is probably why I love you, my friend!! 😍 I struggle with confidence too and wanting affirmations that I’m OK. It is not easy getting older and watching my body change… I also am struggling with blogging. Probably why I’m late to seeing your post and commenting. 😉 I can’t keep up with it all like I used to. Thank you for sharing your heart and your art!! I think it is LOVEly!! I will miss you but I completely understand. Bear hugs, my friend! 🐻💕

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  36. Blogging takes a considerable amount of time and I have no idea how you managed to blog every single day for five years solid… !! Just blog when you want to, when your heart and soul moves you to. If that’s just once a month, so be it! Stat’s, followers, recognition, fame, glory – none of those things matter. The less time spent blogging means more time for other lovely creative things that you would rather be doing instead… !

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  37. High Five, Jodi!💕 We both began blogging at about the same time and yours was one of the first blogs I followed. I always wondered how you found the time and energy for daily, creative blog posts. You have accomplished SO much over the years. I have watched your creative path with much admiration! My goal at the beginning was one post a week… and that took a great deal of time! Blogging has been a very special passion project in my retirement.
    I’m a bit older than you, Jodi, and have been thinking a great deal about the ‘seasons’ of life we go through. Our needs, desires, and passions change through the seasons. Our joy continues to grow if we change with these ‘seasons.’ As a caregiver for my sweet parents now, I have entered a brand new season. My blog posts have become much less frequent, but even more meaningful. My blog friendships have grown even deeper during this new ‘season.’ Such a blessing!
    Be kind to yourself. Listen to your heart, Jodi! We visit here because we care about YOU. Your posts will be special gifts whenever they arrive!💗
    Autumn hugs!

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to Jodi Cancel reply