The Things We Treasure

The final assignment for #Writing101 is to write about something we treasure, and the twist is to experiment with longform and push to write more than usual.

So for anyone that has faithfully followed along, I did miss a couple of the twenty assignments, but all-in-all, this has been such an amazing journey.  One of deep thinking and thoughtful process.  One of stretching myself out of my comfort zone.  One that has certainly challenged me.  One that is teaching me to not only be okay with myself, but to start liking myself for me just the way I am, and learning to love myself.   Love comes very easy for me…   When it comes to others…

I feel I have grown through the process, and I know I still have a long way to go, but guess what?  That is what it’s all about Alfie – this thing called life.    Growing and stretching and challenging yourself and learning and doing new things.  But most of all, sharing it with those we love, and experiencing the joy of love.   Yep – at life in between.  So hear goes my final assignment for #Writing101.  (But no fear – or “oh no!” – I think there may be a #Writing201 in my future…)


There is no material item I can fathom or imagine treasuring more than I treasure my family – and friends that are like family – that bring such joy and love to my life.

I know it sounds so cliche’, but I truly cannot think of an item that I treasure more dearly.

And at the top of that list is this awkward young man I met 35 years ago.  He was 20.  I was 16.

He’s not so young anymore – but neither am I.

And the most awesome thing I can say about that is I know without a doubt that I love this now sometimes grumpy but whose laugh melts my heart,  gray-haired but more handsome than ever, still sometimes awkward but ever-so intelligent, opinionated that I don’t always agree with, kind-hearted but doesn’t want anyone to know, talented, dependable, logical, level-headed, big lug of a guy with a ‘derriere’ that can still make me blush more than I did all those years ago.

How sweet is the longevity of a lifetime of love?  It’s truly not about mushiness or goobiness or googly eyes or butterflies.  It’s about a sacred bond.  It’s about feeling confident and secure and comfortable and simply loved.

“I believe in love, Alfie.”

So, Merv, after all this, do you still “think I’m cuuuuuute?”  I guess this turned into a love letter just for you…

xo

With love,

Jodi

Pap’s Best Day

pap last day

Today’s Assignment for #Writing101:  Write a post inspired by a real-world conversation. For a twist, include foreshadowing.


Something made me stay a little longer that day.  I wasn’t in my usual hurried, harried mode on my weekly visit to the nursing home.  This visit was surprisingly more enjoyable than the “chore” it sometimes had sadly become of late.

Time seemed to fly as Pap (my father-in-law) and I talked and laughed and reminisced.   Marty even called to see where I was since I was “taking so long.”  But Pap was so excited to share what a wonderful day he had and tell me about his very special visitor.  Nancy, his “favorite” niece from Illinois, had surprised him that day with a visit.  They went for a walk – him in his scooter with the orange safety flag, wearing his favorite chicken hat Colleen had bought him with his beautiful niece by his side.  He proudly introduced her to every person he knew that worked, visited or lived within scooter driving distance of his room, and he begged to have a picture taken to commemorate the day.   He could barely contain his joy and excitement telling me about the fun they had, the laughs they shared, and the joy she had brought to his day.

“It was the best day,” he said.

Pap had been sick for quite a while.  He had more than his fair share of “close encounters” throughout the 33 years I had known him (and even before that).  Yet somehow he managed to outlive his beloved wife of 52 years, and even more heartbreaking, his only daughter.

Lately, Pap was in and out of the hospital more times than we could count.   Moves between assisted living and skilled nursing were becoming the norm.  Pap was getting tired.  He said he was ready to go.  But when breathing got labored due to his CHF and other problems arose from his minimally functioning kidney, he panicked.  He just wanted to “stick around” a few months longer for the upcoming wedding of his grandson, Jake and his favorite girl, Colleen.

It was time to have “the talk.”

In life, there are a few very important “talks.”  There’s the “birds and the bees,” continuing education decisions, marriage, children, buying a home.

Then there’s the BIGGIE:  Death.

The “How do you want to spend your end-of-life journey?” talk.

Now I’m in the hospice business, so I am extremely comfortable talking about these important decisions and discussions.  Until it’s MY family…

I struggled.  Marty anguished.  We called in expert assistance.

We thought we were getting through, then Pap would talk about dialysis and kidney transplants.

We were obviously not being very effective.

And Pap kept bouncing around from hospital to skilled nursing to assisted and round and round.

This particular day I visited, he was in skilled nursing after a recent episode in the hospital.  I left feeling good.  Pap must have said it a handful of times:  “It was the best day.”

Fast forward four short hours.  The phone rang.  Pap had experienced a “turn,” and he wanted to go to the hospital.  He was struggling to breathe.

Marty asked the nursing staff to please not send him.  “Please keep him there.  Keep him comfortable.  Let him know we will be there in 15 minutes.”

When we arrived, Pap’s favorite aide was on one side of his bed, holding his hand, stroking his cheek.  Another aide stood empathetically behind her.  Still.  Silent.

Our eyes met, and theirs began to glisten.

“He’s comfortable.”  “He’s relaxed now.”

They left us to have some private time with Pap.

Marty rubbed his once larger than life, but now frail and thin Father’s arm.  He garnered all the poise and grace and dignity a 53-year old, 6 foot, 3 inch tall working man’s man could muster, and whispered, “I love you, Dad.”

“You have been a wonderful father, a devoted husband, a loving grandfather,” he said.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s okay to let go.”

“Mom and Maureen are waiting for you.”

“We will miss you, but it’s ok.”

Pap took his last breath.  Marty had one hand.  I had the other.

“It was the best day.”

 

 

A Proper Family Unit – #Writing101

home-word

We are past the halfway mark in #Writing101, and I have to say I am enjoying it more and more as we progress.  This assignment really conjured up some memories – some good – some bad.   But that’s okay.  It’s my life… and this is my story.


Today’s assignment: #Writing 101, Day Eleven – Size Matters
Today, tell us about the home you lived in when you were twelve. For your twist, pay attention to — and vary — your sentence lengths.


The thing I remember most about being 12 is wanting to be 13.  Funny how that was so important at the time.  But boy was it!

You see – I started school at an earlier age than most.  Having a birthday on December 31st did that back in my day.  So when all my friends became teenagers, I thought it was the worst thing in the world being 12.  Too bad that wasn’t the only thing I had to worry about at 12.

Home.  Where would I call “home” when I was 12 years old?  That’s a little trickier for me than some.

Mom had recently remarried, so Mom and new Dad and new baby sister and same brother and I moved into a brand-spanking new two-story house in the country built just for us.

But I didn’t live there long.

It was Grandma’s house that became my home when I was 12.  And as I think back, I daresay it might have been my favorite home growing up.  Grandma had a way of doing that.

I moved six times and lived in eight different places (counting Grandma’s) during my childhood.  I went to five different school districts.  Throughout all the moves, I experienced many different sizes and shapes and types of homes and neighborhoods.  From older communities on one side of town to an apartment after the divorce and staying at Grandma’s during the week, to the other side of town, to the country, and back to newer suburbs in yet another area.  It was never far, but it was a move.  It was a change.  A big change for my brother and me trying to figure out this thing called life and the idea of family.

So as the rest of my family (Mom, new Dad, new sister and same brother) lived in the big, new house in the woods, I was asked to stay with Grandma.

Grandpap had recently passed away, and it was hard on Grandma.  Not only because she loved him, but she needed and relied on him too.  Grandma didn’t drive, so she lost her driver.  Grandma had never written a check in her life.  She had never paid a bill.  Although Grandma had more common sense than anyone I have ever known, she lacked in formal education, so Grandpap made up for this.  He paid the bills, and he balanced the checkbook.  Without him, though, Grandma was lost.

So Mom and new Dad decided to move her closer to them.  “It will be easier to help her this way,” they decided.

Grandma was very reluctant.  She had lived in the same house for almost her entire married life.  Grandpap and her built that house.  They had planted every blade of grass, shrub, fruit tree, and berry bush.  All her friends were there.  But it was a 45-minute drive to get to Grandma’s from our new big house, and Mom thought this would be best.

Grandma moved.  She reluctantly packed up all of her belongings and all of her memories and moved into a double-wide trailer in a mobile home park within walking distance through the woods from our new big house in the country.

But Grandma was sad.  Not just the regular kind of sad, but that clinically depressed kind of sad.  So Mom told me it would help Grandma if I could go stay with her for a while as she adjusted to her new home and new surroundings.  “Having you there will make her feel better,” she said.  So I did.  I was 12.

Grandma loved having me there, and I loved being there.  Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months.  Months turned into years.  I eventually moved all of my 12-year old belongings  into Grandma’s house.  Important stuff like records and clothes. I caught the school bus with the neighborhood kids in the mobile home park.  They became my friends and neighbors.  I started babysitting, and Grandma was nearby just in case I needed her.  My best friend, Janet, was only a short walk through the woods away, and we had sleepovers, and we hung out and played cards and games with Grandma.  Life was good.

I learned my most important life lessons living with Grandma.  I learned it’s not the size or the fancy new things or the white-glove, immaculate, spotless, dustless possessions that make a house a home.  It’s not the bricks and shutters and perfectly manicured lawn.  It’s the love.  It’s the warmth.  It’s the feeling of belonging, the participation in doing the things that make it a home.  That’s what Grandma did.  She taught me to cook by letting me help.  It was okay if we made a mess.  We just had to clean it up afterwards.  Grandma let me do science experiments and life experiments in her kitchen.  Even when it included boiling worms and wearing (real dirt and water) mud masks.  Grandma taught me about friendship.  She would visit neighbors, take them homemade soup or baked goods from her kitchen, play cards with them on their porches or at their kitchen tables.

Then Mom and new Dad decided this just wasn’t right.  I should be living with them. They didn’t know how to tell Grandma this though; and besides – I liked living at Grandma’s.  I wanted to stay there.  It was my home now.

So to fix things, Mom and new Dad decided we would all move… to another house about 30 minutes away.  This way I could move back in with them, and we would be a proper family unit.

So I moved… yet again.


Cheers & Hugs,

Jodi

Hugs

hug

Isn’t this a great philosophy?

I’ve been trying it out – and I like it! 🙂

Cheers and Hugs,

Jodi

It was one of those days…

photo (2)It was one of THOSE days…

I got up early…

I stayed up late…

I never got a shower until 7pm…

And that was because a friend was coming by at 7:30…

You see…. I work from home (most days anyway) – Gotta love that!

But some days (when you are a work from homer), you wonder – – – errr – – – maybe I should say “I wonder”…..

“What did I do to make a difference today?”

“How did I make  an impact on the world… for the greater good… today?

(Thanks Nikole for making me consider that everyday – no matter the “burden” 🙂 )

But you know what?  As I sit here at 12:30 am (knowing I committed to getting up at 4:10am to go to the gym with Nick at 4:20am!)

(Uhmmm – and I wish I could say that is a habit – but this will only be the third time!)

I think I did…. make an impact today…

Although I never left the house, I still think “I was exactly what the world needed today” in my interactions (aka “where I went”)

I feel good about the work I accomplished.

I feel good about my family.

I feel good about my conversation with a friend tonight.

Yep – Brian Andreas (whose Story People work I adore!) – and anyone else that has kindly read this far…

I think I did….

…help where I could…

…and was exactly what the world needed… today.

We’ll see what tomorrow brings – and what magic it holds.

Cheers and hugs,

Jodi