In honor of this special day, I wanted to share a watercolor painting I created.
It started with a relaxing Sunday afternoon painting session where I just sat on the porch outside and painted from the heart to one of my favorite songs.
I had no idea what it was going to turn out to be, and I truly had no intention for what I was painting except to “feel” the music.
Sometimes I do these types of paintings and then “sit” on them for a while. I just let them “hang out,” and I glance at them every once in a while until something pulls me in and speaks to me.
And it did. It reminded me of the wound that was healed by the light that entered it.
Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads! Here is a photo taken a couple years ago of me between two of my faves: my Dad and Hubby.
And in honor of Father’s Day, I want to share a blog post I originally wrote and posted five years ago. Today also happens to be my Dad’s birthday, so it is a very special day indeed!
July 17, 2014
Today is a very special Anniversary… A day that brings back floods of memories… floods of emotions…. reflections on time missed… but celebration of time and love shared… from here on…
You see – Today is a Father-Daughter Anniversary. Today is the 4 year anniversary of my reunion with my Dad (my “birth father”).
And I thought it deserved a special anniversary card to send to Dad to help us cherish the day.
So you might think that sounds a bit odd…. Father and Daughter Anniversary???
Well – I’m going to share a kinda big chunk and pretty personal part of my heart today. So – if you’re not into that or not interested, you may just want to skip this blog.
So here goes…
On July 17, 2010, I was reunited with my Dad (my “birth father” Dad so as not to be confused with another great man in my life that I also call Dad – I know – a bit confusing – and on top of that both of their names are John!).
It was a day neither of us will ever forget.
The reason(s) for our separation for 39 years is really not the point or purpose of this story, nor do I feel appropriate to share, but the joy in our reunion is the focus here…. And oh what JOY we have shared.
For our second Christmas together again in 2012, I presented Dad with a book I wrote for him.
I called it, “The Journey Back to Daddy’s Girl.” The book is a celebration of our initial exchange of emails leading up to our reunion that covers the course of only a few short weeks, but close to 70 pages of exchanges. It chronicles how we discovered each other again – an adult daughter close to 50 years old – and an even more adult father – close to 70 years old who last saw each other when the little girl was 9 years old and the Daddy was just barely past 30.
We (well mostly I) asked each other questions (sometimes difficult ones) and our exchanges evolved from closings with “John (BF)” to “Love you, Dad”s.
Let me share the “Introduction” with you here.
———-
“Once upon a time, there was a little girl. Jodi had a Mom and a Dad and a little brother.
Life was good, until one day when Daddy left. Then Jodi just got to visit with Daddy on the weekends, until a day came when Mom introduced Jodi and her brother to a new Dad, and told her she would not be seeing her other Daddy any more.
Jodi lived a good life. Her new Dad and Mom took good care of her and her brother and her new baby sister, but Jodi always felt something was missing.
She thought of her first Dad throughout her life.
She dreamed of bumping into him on the street… their eyes would lock, and they would immediately recognize each other. Dad would tell her he loved her and missed her and was so proud of the woman she had become…..
Sometimes dreams do come true…”
———-
Marty (for those new here – the hubster), was instrumental in helping me find my Dad.
It is so much more incredibly easier than imaginable with the internet and people search software these days.
Marty has known for years – probably before I even realized – that there was a part of me missing – that there were unanswered questions – that there was a dad out there that I needed – and who needed me. He has asked me over the years about it – ever since we started dating when I was a mere 16 year old high school girl and he was a “mature” 20-year old “man.” (That story is a whole blog post for another day). When Marty realized my yearning had grown so strong, and my need was so great, he was the one that took the step to reach out for me, and the resulting reply is etched in my mind and on my heart forever:
“Hi Jodi – Yes. I am your “Birth Father.” It was an answer to prayer hearing from you. I hope that you and John are both fine. To this day, I regret the worst decision I have ever made. I was talked into doing something, but I had my own mind. At the time, I thought I was doing the best thing for your two. Can you ever forgive me?”
And so began my Journey back to Daddy’s Girl.
And now we celebrate four wonderful years of being a reunited father and daughter, which began on July 17, 2010 when my Dad showed up to my house with a huge bouquet of flowers, a face that looked exactly like mine (and resembles Tom Jones I think only to me 🙂 ), immediately telling me he loved me, and he missed me, that I was beautiful (only to him I’m sure 🙂 ),and he was so proud of me. You see – he wanted to fulfill my dream… He wanted our reunion to be the wonderful event I had dreamed about over the years…
We both cried – happy and sad tears. And we have talked almost every day since then. We’ve spent birthdays and holidays and Father’s days together. He was with me at our son Jake’s wedding. He loves my family as his own. His family has embraced me as their own. They have always known about me, and they welcomed me with open arms.
I will never forget the first time I met my Dad’s wife, Carole (aka Mom 2). The first thing she said to me was, “Your Dad always promised me a daughter, and now I have one. We’ve been praying for you for a long time.”
The epilogue of my book closes with:
———-
And so it began …….
With a simple email …
A journey back to Daddy’s girl.
And now, two and a half years later …
… we write each other almost every day
… and talk every weekday morning at 7:05
We’ve spent Father’s days together and holidays and birthdays and are part of each other’s lives again.
Our families love each other and we love each other.
‘What a Difference You’ve Made in My Life’
Dreams do come true!
this is notTHE END.”
———-
Father & Daughter Reunion Day – July 17, 2010
I hope this message will encourage those adult children who were separated from birth parents – at whatever age (birth, childhood, teenager, young adult) – for whatever reason – to reach out and try if it is something that has yanked on and ached in your heart for years.
Maybe your ending will not turn out as good as mine did (and of course there is much more to our story than I’ve shared here so far) , but can anything hurt more than the emptiness and not-knowing that you feel every day? Could the potential rejection be any worse than what you have imagined or decided or dealt with for years in your heart?
Love is worth the risk. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Closure or resolution or answers to decades of unanswered questions can let you sleep at night… can bring you peace… can make you right with yourself! I’m certainly not an educated or trained professional in this area, but I can only speak of my own personal experience.
I wish you joy. I wish you peace. I wish you resolution. I wish you wholeness of heart – no matter the ending. YOU are worth it. YOU are here for a reason. YOU are loved.
Happy 4 year “Anniversary” Dad! I love you, and I cherish you! (And I’ve been listening to “our song” again this week. I’m betting you will too.) ❤ “What a Difference You’ve Made in My Life!”
This week leading up to Christmas, I am sharing a few of my favorite posts from the past. This post is a special one. It celebrates a very special event in my life. A Journey back to Daddy’s Girl…
The Journey Back to Daddy’s Girl – Happy 4th Anniversary Dad!
Today is a very special Anniversary… A day that brings back floods of memories… floods of emotions…. reflections on time missed… but celebration of time and love shared… from here on…
You see – Today is a Father-Daughter Anniversary. Today is the 4 year anniversary of my reunion with my Dad (my “birth father”).
And I thought it deserved a special anniversary card to send to Dad to help us cherish the day.
So you might think that sounds a bit odd…. Father and Daughter Anniversary???
Well – I’m going to share a kinda big chunk and pretty personal part of my heart today. So – if you’re not into that or not interested, you may just want to skip this blog.
So here goes…
On July 17, 2010, I was reunited with my Dad (my “birth father” Dad so as not to be confused with another great man in my life that I also call Dad – I know – a bit confusing – and on top of that both of their names are John!).
It was a day neither of us will ever forget.
The reason(s) for our separation for 39 years is really not the point or purpose of this story, nor do I feel appropriate to share, but the joy in our reunion is the focus here…. And oh what JOY we have shared.
For our second Christmas together again in 2012, I presented Dad with a book I wrote for him.
I called it, “The Journey Back to Daddy’s Girl.” The book is a celebration of our initial exchange of emails leading up to our reunion that covers the course of only a few short weeks, but close to 70 pages of exchanges. It chronicles how we discovered each other again – an adult daughter close to 50 years old – and an even more adult father – close to 70 years old who last saw each other when the little girl was 9 years old and the Daddy was just barely past 30.
We (well mostly I) asked each other questions (sometimes difficult ones) and our exchanges evolved from closings with “John (BF)” to “Love you, Dad”s.
Let me share the “Introduction” with you here.
———-
“Once upon a time, there was a little girl. Jodi had a Mom and a Dad and a little brother.
Life was good, until one day when Daddy left. Then Jodi just got to visit with Daddy on the weekends, until a day came when Mom introduced Jodi and her brother to a new Dad, and told her she would not be seeing her other Daddy any more.
Jodi lived a good life. Her new Dad and Mom took good care of her and her brother and her new baby sister, but Jodi always felt something was missing.
She thought of her first Dad throughout her life.
She dreamed of bumping into him on the street… their eyes would lock, and they would immediately recognize each other. Dad would tell her he loved her and missed her and was so proud of the woman she had become…..
Sometimes dreams do come true…”
———-
Marty (for those new here – the hubster), was instrumental in helping me find my Dad.
It is so much more incredibly easier than imaginable with the internet and people search software these days.
Marty has known for years – probably before I even realized – that there was a part of me missing – that there were unanswered questions – that there was a dad out there that I needed – and who needed me. He has asked me over the years about it – ever since we started dating when I was a mere 16 year old high school girl and he was a “mature” 20-year old “man.” (That story is a whole blog post for another day). When Marty realized my yearning had grown so strong, and my need was so great, he was the one that took the step to reach out for me, and the resulting reply is etched in my mind and on my heart forever:
“Hi Jodi – Yes. I am your “Birth Father.” It was an answer to prayer hearing from you. I hope that you and John are both fine. To this day, I regret the worst decision I have ever made. I was talked into doing something, but I had my own mind. At the time, I thought I was doing the best thing for your two. Can you ever forgive me?”
And so began my Journey back to Daddy’s Girl.
And now we celebrate four wonderful years of being a reunited father and daughter, which began on July 17, 2010 when my Dad showed up to my house with a huge bouquet of flowers, a face that looked exactly like mine (and resembles Tom Jones I think only to me 🙂 ), immediately telling me he loved me, and he missed me, that I was beautiful (only to him I’m sure 🙂 ),and he was so proud of me. You see – he wanted to fulfill my dream… He wanted our reunion to be the wonderful event I had dreamed about over the years…
We both cried – happy and sad tears. And we have talked almost every day since then. We’ve spent birthdays and holidays and Father’s days together. He was with me at our son Jake’s wedding. He loves my family as his own. His family has embraced me as their own. They have always known about me, and they welcomed me with open arms.
I will never forget the first time I met my Dad’s wife, Carole (aka Mom 2). The first thing she said to me was, “Your Dad always promised me a daughter, and now I have one. We’ve been praying for you for a long time.”
The epilogue of my book closes with:
———-
And so it began …….
With a simple email …
A journey back to Daddy’s girl.
And now, two and a half years later …
… we write each other almost every day
… and talk every weekday morning at 7:05
We’ve spent Father’s days together and holidays and birthdays and are part of each other’s lives again.
Our families love each other and we love each other.
‘What a Difference You’ve Made in My Life’
Dreams do come true!
this is notTHE END.”
———-
Father & Daughter Reunion Day – July 17, 2010
I hope this message will encourage those adult children who were separated from birth parents – at whatever age (birth, childhood, teenager, young adult) – for whatever reason – to reach out and try if it is something that has yanked on and ached in your heart for years.
Maybe your ending will not turn out as good as mine did (and of course there is much more to our story than I’ve shared here so far) , but can anything hurt more than the emptiness and not-knowing that you feel every day? Could the potential rejection be any worse than what you have imagined or decided or dealt with for years in your heart?
Love is worth the risk. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Closure or resolution or answers to decades of unanswered questions can let you sleep at night… can bring you peace… can make you right with yourself! I’m certainly not an educated or trained professional in this area, but I can only speak of my own personal experience.
I wish you joy. I wish you peace. I wish you resolution. I wish you wholeness of heart – no matter the ending. YOU are worth it. YOU are here for a reason. YOU are loved.
Happy 4 year “Anniversary” Dad! I love you, and I cherish you! (And I’ve been listening to “our song” again this week. I’m betting you will too.) ❤ “What a Difference You’ve Made in My Life!”
Almost 40 years later, it is so good to talk. I wish we could have done this sooner.
8th Grade Class Photo – Almost 13
But this will be good for both of us, because in so many ways this 52-year old woman is still that 13-year old girl.
There is so much I wish you could know that we know now to make the road easier. But then again, maybe we wouldn’t be who we are if we didn’t have those toils and trials and tribulations that young girls must go through to truly appreciate life and being a woman.
But it is okay, because we turn out okay (actually GREAT in spite of ourselves), so try not to be so hard on us!
Don’t worry so much about what everyone else thinks … what is cool…. what is considered beautiful by teenage standards. Be secure in who YOU are…. Self-esteem is beautiful in a girl and in a woman…. There is more to beauty than being “skinny,” than wearing make-up, than having long, blonde straight hair (which we still never have!), than name-brand clothes and shoes and purses…
Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up, wear make-up, shave your legs, date… Enjoy being a girl, because looking back, it flashes in a blink, and you have a long time to be a woman.
Don’t feel like you have to be anything you aren’t just for a boy to “like” you. You are fine just the way you are, and you will find that people are going to “love” you just for who you are. Just be patient, be confident, and know the best is yet to come.
We were in such a hurry to grow up. I wish I could tell you to slow down. We couldn’t wait to hit that “magical” number of 13. It meant “grown up” to us. We were a teenager! We didn’t realize how difficult it was going to be at times, and 12 wasn’t so bad – eh?
We moved a lot. Things changed as we were growing up. Our parents divorced… Mom remarried… she told us we have a new Dad going forward…. we weren’t going to see first Dad anymore… She told us he was glad to turn us over to a new Dad…
That was hard on us. SOOO hard on us! How do we just do that? But by 13, we were used to it – huh? After all, it had been four years, and our new Dad was good to us. He gave us a good life and he tried to love us like his own. We will always be grateful for him.
But that didn’t make us miss our first Dad any less. And we didn’t see our first Dad for a really long time. We dreamed about bumping into him on the street, and hugging and embracing and having him tell us we were beautiful and he knew us right away and he missed us, and he was sorry. When we got married, we wondered what he would think of us and who we chose. What it would be like to have him walk us down that aisle and dance to “Daddy’s Little Girl.” When we had our first child, we wondered what he would think of being a Grandfather to our son. If he would be proud of the kind of mother we had become. We missed him, but we always put it in the back of our mind and memory, and we were grateful for what we did have and who we did have.
But guess what? He comes back into our life – and he loves us – and he missed us – and he does everything he can to make our dreams of him come true. So be patient, and know that you will have a beautiful reunion, and you will then talk to him almost every day, and you will make up for lost time. With him back in our life also comes another Mom, who has waited patiently for a “daughter” that Dad promised him. We have some more brothers and a beautiful Aunt and Uncle and cousins, who love us too, and have waited for us to come back into their lives. I wish you could know that this would come, and you didn’t have to feel sad and not good enough and not loved enough.
At 13, we don’t even realize it, but we have one of the best friends we will ever have in our life. And she is still one of our best friends to this day! Her family is like our family. They love us like their own – and we love them with a power and passion that cannot be put into words. We will visit often with her, we will go on vacations together, we will tell her our deepest, darkest secrets, and she still loves us even though she knows all of our brokenness. If you could only know now what a blessing we have found in her…. but we move on – for a while.
We make other amazing lifelong friends, and since we have a falling out with our family, which is very difficult, we are so fortunate to have a support network of friends who are like family – who are our chosen family. Who choose us as family. We have a very full, loving “family.”
We will go through a few difficult situations with boys/men that will make us wonder, but we end up meeting an amazing man, and he will be our life partner. He will be our rock, our comfort, our steady through storms, our logic in times of confusion, the father of our sons (yep – we have two amazing boys! You always wanted to be a mom – and your dream will come true!). This man, who we will meet in just three short years and marry in just six, will be our forever life partner. We have been married 33 years now, and we can’t imagine spending it with anyone else.
Senior Class Photo – 16 years Old
It won’t be perfect – don’t get me wrong. Fairy tale marriages can be so deceiving. We will learn that love is a verb, not a noun. It is an action. It is giving as much as receiving. It is learning what language our partner needs to hear or feel or receive love in. But our husband understands this so much better than us, and he teaches us, and we are so very fortunate to have him. He has a mom and dad that taught him well and that teach us and love us. We lose them too soon, but we were there for them and they were there for us, and that is all we can ask for.
But we still went through a few crazy dates and experiences before we found him. So PLEASE remember to carry money in your purse for a phone call, so when that boy tries to do what he did on that “date,” you can call for help. (What were we thinking going out without even the dime needed for a pay phone back then? Everyone carries cell phones now, and it is easier to communicate, but back then it was scary, and you were so trusting and innocent.)
Don’t be impressed with “men” who want to make you feel important and loved in inappropriate ways. You don’t need that to be special. They are the ones that are insecure and need to feel important. You are fine just the way you are. Run from them – fast! Don’t look back. Don’t be fooled. Men that are married and have children and show interest in 13-year old girls are the ones with problems – not YOU!
I know all you want to do is grow up and find Prince Charming and be a mom, but you get to work a little first, and that is good for you. You will get time for that wonderful experience and be a stay-at-home mom for quite a while. You will scrimp a bit financially to be able to afford it, but it will be worth it. And once the boys are teenagers, you will go back to work, and you will thoroughly enjoy working, without regrets.
You will get to work for a company that cares for people in their homes when they have surgeries or chronic diseases or face end of life. You will be part of spreading the word about the good things your company can do for people at end of life, and you will work for a company that appreciates and values work-life balance and family priorities, but you will also work hard and love it.
Be patient, young one. Be strong. Be confident. Know we are going to have a good life and turn out just fine.
With Love,
52-Year Old Jodi
August, 2015 – 52 years YOUNG!
This post was inspired by my dear cousin, Nikole, who shared the idea with me to write a letter on my blog to my younger self.
the creative life in between 