suicide

Dear You

/ Jodi / 35 Comments

Dear You Acrylic Abstract Jodi McKinney 24×36 on Artist Canvas

Dear You.

“I always felt like you’ve known me,
I thought of you when I got lonely,
Now there’s nothing else I can do,
This is me reaching out to you.”

– Lucy Spraggan “Dear You”

As I was painting and listening to one of my favorite new artists, Lucy Spraggan one evening this week – this is what happened. It’s quite large – 24″ H x 36″ W – and done completely with palette knife and acrylic paint from the tube.  This young lady’s music and lyrics touch my heart and soul, and this is my response as I listened and painted. (Thanks to Colleen Brown at The Chatter Blog for introducing me to Lucy!)

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

What is the Answer?

/ Jodi / 71 Comments
Foggy Morning – Mars, PA – June 2018

What is the answer?

What are the questions?

Why is it happening?

What can we do?

The recent suicides of two very famous people last week – Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain  – have brought back a lot of memories for me and have had me thinking a lot.

Those of you who have been around here for a while may recall I lost my brother to suicide a year and a half ago.  He took his life two days after Christmas on December 27, 2016 by stepping in front of a train.  He left a note stating “no Clarence for me.”

There are moments – some clumped together in periods longer than others – that I dwell in the sorrow.

I want to have some magical answer…. some greatly insightful advice.

I don’t want to just talk about it.  I don’t want to just be sad.  I want to declare the solution.  I want to shout out the answer.  I want to rid the world of this grief.

But I can’t find it.

Except to say let’s love one another.

Let’s be there for one another.

Let’s hug.

Let’s listen.

Let’s support each other.

Let’s hold each other up… allow others to lean on us, and allow ourselves to lean on others.

Let’s embrace our humanity.

Let’s accept each other.

Let’s accept ourselves.

Let’s belong to each other and to this world.

We are each here for a purpose.

Let us seek and declare and own that.

You are loved.

Keep on keepin’ on.

Love,
Jodi

Kathy’s Bluebird in Watercolor

/ Jodi / 50 Comments
Kathy's Bluebird in Watercolor - 11x14 140 lb cold press

Kathy’s Bluebird in Watercolor – 11×14 140 lb cold press

Kathy’s Bluebird in Watercolor.

I finally remembered to post a bird painting on the right day for Draw a Bird Day which a gang of friendly, artistic bloggers celebrates of the 8th of every month (when we remember!).

Kathy, who blogs at Backyard Bird Nerd, always supplies us with plenty of great inspiration with her bird photography.  She recently captured a photo of an Eastern Bluebird that caught my eye and inspired this very loose interpretation.  I used her bird as a model, but had fun splashing it up in the loose style I love to do.  I took some artistic license in changing the piece of wood to a twig, adding the tail feathers that were hidden in her photo, making it a bit more of a summery, green scene instead of winter, and having some fun with color.  Awww – the beauty and freedom of art!

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

This bluebird painting is dedicated to the memory of my brother, Johnny, whose birthday would have been today.  RIP John P. Towle – February 8, 1964 – December 27, 2016.  You remain in my heart always.

This painting (original, prints, and cards) is available at McKinneyX2Designs as well as Berry Vine Gifts.

Daniel Smith watercolors used:  Cerulean Blue, Indigo, New Gamboge, Cadmium Orange, Olive Green, Perylene Green, Alizarin Crimson, Burnt Umber.

10 Months Ago Today…

/ Jodi / 88 Comments

10 Months Ago Today.

I crossed the railroad tracks today,
like I do so many days.

And I realized, after the fact,
that for the first time in 10 months

I didn’t get a lump in my throat…
I didn’t hold my breath…

I didn’t think of you
and the decision you made

10 months ago today.

It caught me off guard…
Made me both happy and sad.

Only 10 months ago
you were still here…

barely hanging on…
but still there was hope.

10 months later
there is no more hope

and the memory is beginning
to fade.

I want to be happy,
yet that makes me sad.

10 months ago today
you took your life away.

Rest in peace dear brother.
Rest in peace.

Love,
Jodi

A “New” Easel for My Art Studio

/ Jodi / 62 Comments

A “New” Easel for My Art Studio.

Yesterday, I was gifted with something very special for my new art studio.

As many of you may recall, my brother passed away two days after Christmas – just a few months ago.  He sadly took his own life.  He was a troubled man who struggled with alcoholism, but was once a bright, highly intelligent boy and handsome young man who lost his way due to the disease that took over his life.

I came to find out he went through a period where he had a passion for art and tried his hand at painting.  Though I have not seen any of the work he did, his friend generously offered his art easel to me as a small remembrance of him.

And so I placed it next to my current one hubby bought me when I decided I wanted to try my hand at painting almost two years ago.  He has been so supportive and encouraging, and even made me a room (though he will tell it much less romantically stating he was tired of my art stuff all over the house!).

How couldn’t one enjoy and feel loved spending time in a room made for me by my hubby and with so many beautiful things from so many wonderful friends and family members.

And now this special remembrance.

Finding joy in the ordinary…

Cherishing the moments…

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

To see some of my artwork (as well as my daughter-in-laws beautiful rustic hand-painted signs) for sale, feel free to visit us at McKinneyX2Designs on Etsy.

Why?

/ Jodi / 84 Comments

sunny-sky-february-19-2017-mars-pa

Why do I feel the most sad
when it is the brightest most beautiful day?
Some time has passed and life goes on,
but why does my heart not feel better?

Why does the sound that I used to love
of the trains blowing their horns in the distance and echoing through the hills
haunt me so much
that I sometimes want to scream “Shut Up!”

Why do the melodious wind chimes
that sing in the breeze
make me so sad and sometimes mad
that I had to put them away for a while.

Why did you have to take your life
on the day we used to celebrate
the life of another so dear to us
whose life was also ended too soon?

Why – on a most beautiful day in February – the month of your birth,
when it should be cold and snowy and blustery,
did I sit in the sunshine… in bare feet… and short sleeves…
and mourn this beautiful gift you were missing that I know you would have loved?

Why did we often let long periods of time pass
when we didn’t see each other or talk
when I knew you were there and that you loved me,
and I know you knew I loved you too?

But now you are gone,
and now I think of you every day,
and I miss you every day…
and I wish things could be different.

With love always from your sister,
Jodi

Friends – I usually try to keep my blog upbeat and encouraging, but I really felt the need to share that even in the best of days and times and all the blessings in life, there are still times of grief and sadness.  We can’t ignore it.  Grief is something we all must face when we love.  When we love someone and lose them, it hurts deeply.  But it is still worth it to love and bear the hurt, for what would life be like without the love?  To grieve means you have loved.  And to love and lose is far greater than to have never loved at all.

I also want to thank a dear friend, who somehow always seems to know the right time and right thing to say.   This dear friend – out of the blue and from far away – sent me a text telling me he was thinking of me and my brother when he heard a song, and he thought I should listen to it as it could be my brother’s parting song.  If you care to listen, this is the song he recommended to me: “Go Rest High On That Mountain“

You could have

/ Jodi / 92 Comments
johnny

JPT 2/8/64 – 12/27/16

You could have
been 53 years old today.

You could have
been anything you wanted to be.

You could have
been a father, husband, brother, uncle, son, friend.

You could have
watched that train go by.

You could have
fought it.

You could have
lived and loved and been loved.

But you had other plans.
You gave up.

You chose not to be
53 or anything you wanted to be.

You chose not to be
a father, husband, brother, uncle, son, friend.

You chose not to
watch the train go by.

You chose not to
fight or live or love or be loved.

I hope with all of my heart
and every fiber of my being

that your plan
brought you peace.

In loving memory on your birthday and every day,
Your sister,
Jodi