You could have

johnny

JPT 2/8/64 – 12/27/16

You could have
been 53 years old today.

You could have
been anything you wanted to be.

You could have
been a father, husband, brother, uncle, son, friend.

You could have
watched that train go by.

You could have
fought it.

You could have
lived and loved and been loved.

But you had other plans.
You gave up.

You chose not to be
53 or anything you wanted to be.

You chose not to be
a father, husband, brother, uncle, son, friend.

You chose not to
watch the train go by.

You chose not to
fight or live or love or be loved.

I hope with all of my heart
and every fiber of my being

that your plan
brought you peace.

In loving memory on your birthday and every day,
Your sister,
Jodi

91 thoughts on “You could have

  1. Sorry for your loss Jodi. I dont know you well enough to respond like this, but forgive me … mental illness and depression is not a choice that is made. Its a very dark place and such a struggle to understand. People self medicate with alcohol and drugs, or some think nothing is wrong so dont seek help. And those that seek help dont always get the treatment that they need. Very scary and sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. At the risk of sounding strange, God woke me up last night and brought you to my mind to pray for. Had no idea today would have been your brother’s birthday. May God do what only He can do – bring beauty in the midst of what’s broken. Consider yourself hugged.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think it is so hard to comprehend someone giving up on life. Your words touched me today Jodi, your love, your anger & your loss speak volumes. Sending you love & wishes for a lighter heart.

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  4. Life doesn’t make sense sometimes as you know, Jodi. I’m sorry for your loss and the pain of loosing someone this way. Wrapping you in a bear hug and sending you peace and comfort today, friend! 🐻💕😘 xo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, Jodi. So heartbreaking. Loss is such a overwhelming emotion. I feel your loss. And your deep sadness. And yet, your expression of all that surrounds the end of your brother’s life and the hole in your life where he should be is beautifully written.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. your words are beautifully spoken Jodi, heart breakingly sad – yet with an inner strength. When a family member chooses, to go no further in this life our sorrow is a deep thing. Slowly… it will heal. many many hugs with love, Debi

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so sorry, Jodi! Losing a loved one through suicide is such a horrible and complicated thing, and I so wish you didn’t have to go through it…. You are in my thoughts and prayers on this difficult day. I know that sounds so trite, but please know I how much I mean it!

    Liked by 1 person

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