What is the Answer?

Foggy Morning – Mars, PA – June 2018

What is the answer?

What are the questions?

Why is it happening?

What can we do?

The recent suicides of two very famous people last week – Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain  – have brought back a lot of memories for me and have had me thinking a lot.

Those of you who have been around here for a while may recall I lost my brother to suicide a year and a half ago.  He took his life two days after Christmas on December 27, 2016 by stepping in front of a train.  He left a note stating “no Clarence for me.”

There are moments – some clumped together in periods longer than others – that I dwell in the sorrow.

I want to have some magical answer…. some greatly insightful advice.

I don’t want to just talk about it.  I don’t want to just be sad.  I want to declare the solution.  I want to shout out the answer.  I want to rid the world of this grief.

But I can’t find it.

Except to say let’s love one another.

Let’s be there for one another.

Let’s hug.

Let’s listen.

Let’s support each other.

Let’s hold each other up… allow others to lean on us, and allow ourselves to lean on others.

Let’s embrace our humanity.

Let’s accept each other.

Let’s accept ourselves.

Let’s belong to each other and to this world.

We are each here for a purpose.

Let us seek and declare and own that.

You are loved.

Keep on keepin’ on.

Love,
Jodi

10 Months Ago Today…

10 Months Ago Today.

I crossed the railroad tracks today,
like I do so many days.

And I realized, after the fact,
that for the first time in 10 months

I didn’t get a lump in my throat…
I didn’t hold my breath…

I didn’t think of you
and the decision you made

10 months ago today.

It caught me off guard…
Made me both happy and sad.

Only 10 months ago
you were still here…

barely hanging on…
but still there was hope.

10 months later
there is no more hope

and the memory is beginning
to fade.

I want to be happy,
yet that makes me sad.

10 months ago today
you took your life away.

Rest in peace dear brother.
Rest in peace.

Love,
Jodi

A Yellow Canary Named Terry

A Yellow Canary Named Terry.

Today’s post is a collaboration with my friend, Gary, from Spearfruit, in honor of our beloved Terry.

Gary wrote this lovely little poem late one night and shared it with me, so I knew I had to create a Terry canary as beautiful as I could, so we could share this little story and our love for a great man named Terry.

———

There once was a yellow canary named Terry
who had a good friend named Gary.

Terry lived in a birdhouse high in a tree in the city of Tampa
close to his good friend’s camper.

Terry was so full of life with vigor and glee
as he continued to blog in his house in the tree.

Then early one day, Terry became very sick
and from that point forward his health went down quick.

No matter the pain, no matter the grief
Terry always felt better and a little relief

when he blogged to his friends who provided him love
no matter his struggles or thoughts from above.

Then one day when Terry was perched in his tree,
he got a sweet gift from his good friend Jodi.

The gift was a yellow flower that was painted with love
to remind Terry that things are much better above.

From that point forward Terry raised his head high
and did his very best to hold back his cry.

Terry knew it would soon be time to let out his last chirp
so he got himself ready to depart this dear earth.

Although Terry is no longer here perched in his tree
his friends all know that his spirit is with me

always…
Love his best friend, Gary.

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

—–

If you would like a 5×7 or 8×10 print of this painting or a box of greeting cards, you can order at McKinneyX2Designs on ETSY by clicking here or by stopping by Berry Vine Gifts in BradfordWoods, PA.

This Past Week

This past week I received a surprise bouquet of flowers
from a generous friend named Gary
who grows the most beautiful dahlias.

This past week I also learned I lost a dear blogging friend
whose name was Terry from his beautiful husband named Gary
after I spoke to him just the day before sharing my love and admiration.

This past week I worked and I played and I laughed and I cried
in determination and freedom and joy and in sorrow
for family and friends both cherished in my life and those I have lost.

Tomorrow is Labor Day in the United States.
A day set aside to honor the American labor movement and the contributions
workers have made towards the strength, prosperity, laws and well-being of our country.

I think about Gary laboring over the beautiful flowers he planted.
I think about Terry laboring to breathe when I spoke to him the day before he died.
I think about Gary laboring to get through the days following the death of his love.

I think about those who labor to provide comforting care to hospice patients.
I think about those who labor in hospitals and emergency rooms and trauma centers.
I think about those who labor to protect our country’s freedom.

I am grateful for a weekend of respite
and the opportunity to work
this past week.

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

 

 

Why?

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Why do I feel the most sad
when it is the brightest most beautiful day?
Some time has passed and life goes on,
but why does my heart not feel better?

Why does the sound that I used to love
of the trains blowing their horns in the distance and echoing through the hills
haunt me so much
that I sometimes want to scream “Shut Up!”

Why do the melodious wind chimes
that sing in the breeze
make me so sad and sometimes mad
that I had to put them away for a while.

Why did you have to take your life
on the day we used to celebrate
the life of another so dear to us
whose life was also ended too soon?

Why – on a most beautiful day in February – the month of your birth,
when it should be cold and snowy and blustery,
did I sit in the sunshine… in bare feet… and short sleeves…
and mourn this beautiful gift you were missing that I know you would have loved?

Why did we often let long periods of time pass
when we didn’t see each other or talk
when I knew you were there and that you loved me,
and I know you knew I loved you too?

But now you are gone,
and now I think of you every day,
and I miss you every day…
and I wish things could be different.

With love always from your sister,
Jodi

Friends – I usually try to keep my blog upbeat and encouraging, but I really felt the need to share that even in the best of days and times and all the blessings in life, there are still times of grief and sadness.  We can’t ignore it.  Grief is something we all must face when we love.  When we love someone and lose them, it hurts deeply.  But it is still worth it to love and bear the hurt, for what would life be like without the love?  To grieve means you have loved.  And to love and lose is far greater than to have never loved at all.

I also want to thank a dear friend, who somehow always seems to know the right time and right thing to say.   This dear friend – out of the blue and from far away – sent me a text telling me he was thinking of me and my brother when he heard a song, and he thought I should listen to it as it could be my brother’s parting song.  If you care to listen, this is the song he recommended to me: “Go Rest High On That Mountain

Smile

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Smile…

I know that this may sound cliche,
but won’t you give it a try today?

When you see someone whose eyes are dim,
greet them with a wide, happy grin?

Show those dimples and pearly whites,
it may just be their day’s highlight.

A smile is contagious and fun to spread.
Just do it, you’ll see – full speed ahead!

It could be the cure that heals the blues,
maybe even the common cold and flu.

It’s easy, and it is free to give.
it can even be a kind forgive.

A simple smile can spread some light,
and be the way to make a day bright.

It’s a gesture, it’s a gift,
it can be a huge lift.

If everyone tried this once per day,
imagine how lovely… imagine how gay.

You can turn the world on with your smile
You can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile.

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

RIP Mary Tyler Moore – Your smile will be remembered

 

Cherish the Moments

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I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful friends.  Earlier this week, my sweet Bubby, who lives two hours away, asked if I wanted to meet the GFC Gang halfway between our homes for a holiday lunch get-together.

Well – invite me to lunch… or coffee… or dinner… or whatever…. with friends, and I’m pretty much one to drop whatever task at hand is on my holiday staycation schedule and do it.

And so I did.

And before I left, I decided to see if my daughter-in-law and granddaughter wanted to join us.  After all, among the many other things my Bubby and I share, we became first-time grandmas only five days apart several weeks ago when each of our eldest children (sons) blessed us with grandchildren.

My daughter-in-law (much like me), said “what time are you leaving?” and happily joined us.

Well – of course Bubby immediately called her daughter-in-law, and invited her and her grandson too.

gfc-gsj

How sweet to watch these two new moms so lovingly care for our new little loves.  (Though our cute little “C” was not in the mood to pose.  She wanted to sleep.)

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What a joy it was to share this time together.  The babies were passed around between all the ladies, and we sure enjoyed the snuggles and squiggles.

gfc-gss

Until the phone rang – about halfway through lunch- with the sad, sad news of the passing of my brother, who is just 13 months younger than me.

The blessing in disguise is that I was surrounded with love…
surrounded with support…
allowed to process the shock, the grief, the anger, the sadness, the anxiety…
by being with some of the people
who have grown to become family to me,
who understand the circumstances,
who help make up for the family I’ve lost.

Friendship is truly a gift to cherish.

And I sure do cherish
these sweet special ladies.

I believe life is truly all about relationships.
Please take the time to cherish the ones you love,
the ones you call friends,
the moments you share.

Those moments can be taken away from you
in a blink…
in a moment.

Today is my birthday.
I am cherishing the moments.
I hope you will too.

gfc-g-2

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

Life and Hope

Lane

My son snagged this amazing shot with his iPhone down the lane to our home one evening this week when the clouds were rolling in.

I love the beauty of the lush green “life,” the bright blue sky of “hope,” and the looming “sadness’ in the darkness under the puffy white clouds.

It reminded me of a dear friend who has been on my mind constantly lately who is going through a difficult period while she tends to her parents’ needs at her father’s journey at end of life.

It made me think of life and hope and sadness and how we all deal with all of it every day – –  often every moment of the day.

The lyrics of one of my all-time favorite songs came to mind, and I want to share them here for my sweet friend, Bub:

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep you head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you’ll hear me knocking at you door
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again

 

May we all find cherished moments of life and hope in times of darkness and sadness.
And may we all find comfort in friendship to get us through.

We may not be close enough in geographic proximity to literally always show up and knock on the door, but we can reach out in so many other ways to be there for each other.

Be life and hope in someone’s darkness today.

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi

If we were having coffee…


image

If we were having coffee, I’d be drinking mine (Starbucks Breakfast Blend or Veranda with Italian Sweet Cream) from this “Warm and Cozy” mug.

You see – I just received it as a special “just because” surprise gift from my daughter-in-law this past weekend.  I came home from a day out to find this in our mailbox.

The mugimage was filled with Hot Cocoa K-cups and a little bag of mini marshmallows tied with gold and white baker’s twine.  It was in an adorablimagee chevron pencil bag and had some matching binder clips too.

A sweet note was attached to “Mom M.”

It melted my heart. So – needless to say, I would probably gush a bit about our sweet Colleen.

I would undoubtedly offer you some cookies or whatever I had baked this week to go with our coff411bSsOqlBLee.  Current batch of cookies in the house this week is Bittersweet Chocolate and Almond Chunk made from a Trader Joe’s Pound Plus Bittersweet Chocolate with Almond Candy Bar that hubby got as a gift recently (and I will be buying more of! O – M – G!)  I coarsely chopped the candy bar and stirred it into my classic chocolate chip cookie recipe and Voila!

We would either sit by a warm fire in the living room or at the kitchen table.  Charlie would be laying on the floor beside us, watching for crumbs or waiting patiently for belly rubs and chin scratches.

We might talk about the latest books we are reading.  I am reading “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematory” by Caitlin Doughty.  It is a fascinating memoir of a twenty-something who got a job in a crematory after college.  She shares her experiences and how it actually eased her angst about death and dying and made her better able to appreciate and enjoy her own life.  I am only a few chapters in, but I am fascinated so far and somewhat perplexed by mixed reviews I’ve heard from others in our book club who are reading it.  Death is a topic I discuss daily in my full-time job in communications for a home health and hospice company, so it is not something I am as uncomfortable discussing as many.  As a matter of fact, there is a 100% guarantee death is something we are all going to face, so it is a subject worth discussion.

This might lead to us talking about hospice care and final wishes and experiences we’ve both had with losing special loved ones.  This would ultimately lead to me talking about my Grandma, Grandpap, my in-laws, my sister-in-law – all very special people I have lost, but have fond memories of to share.  We would surely laugh too, because they all brought such joy and fun to my life.

We might talk about what we did last weekend.  I would tell you what a fun time I had hiking around McConnell’s Mills with a sweet friend, about the awesome hot spiked cider we had afterwards at a local restaurant, and how we got recorded three times doing the “whip/nae nae” for a scavenger hunt while exploring a little gift shop after our hike.

royal flush spades halloween costume tshirtsI might show you the t-shirts I painted for my youngest son and his girlfriend and their friends who are going to be a “royal flush” for a Halloween party in Chicago.

I’d probably also tell you how proud I am of my oldest son, who had his first DJ gig this past weekend and how my younger son was there to help and support him.  I’d tell you it warmed my Momma’s heart to think about them that evening.

We might talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers’ win this weekend and how we did it with our third string quarterback.  We’d probably also talk about the fact that we saw our first snow flurries in Mars this past weekend.

Then we might talk about plans for the upcoming weekends.  I might brag on my cousin Nikole Brugnoli-Sheaffer, Director of Innovation, Environmental Charter School, who is being honored as one of Pittsburgh’s 40 Under 40, a program to recognize 40 people under the age of 40 who are committed to shaping our Pittsburgh region and making it a better place for everyone to live, work and play.   I can’t wait to honor her at the upcoming event.

I would probably tell you I’m feeling sad that one of my besties is leaving soon to winter in Florida with her folks who she cares for full-time and how much I am going to miss her.

But I would tell you my other bestie is going to be a first-time grandma in a few months and how excited we all are!

Mostly though, I would want to ask you how you are.  How you really are…   What is going on in your life?  Are you taking time to enjoy doing the things you love “in between?”  Are you taking time to enjoy the people you love?   Are you “cherishing the moments?”

Hubby says I’m “nebby.”  (pouty face)

I contest I am just truly and genuinely interested in people.

As much as I love to talk, I adore listening.  I treasure hearing about people and what matters to them and what makes them tick.  Everyone has a story.  And I love hearing them.

We would surely cherish our time together, and we would undoubtedly hug.  It would be a real hug, and I might likely tell you “I love you” when you leave, because if we are having coffee in my house, there’s a good chance that IS how I feel.

I think I’ll go have another cup of coffee.  Hope you are enjoying some too. pumpkin cinnamon spice cookies And maybe a cookie…  (like this one?  Pumpkin Cinnamon Spice – which I will be featuring as a recipe here tomorrow!)

Or maybe you are having tea if that’s your thing?

And if it’s after 5….  maybe a glass of wine….. or two….

Cheers & Hugs,

Jodi

Before I Die…

Before I die I want to wall

Before I Die is a public art project that invites people to reflect on their lives and share their personal aspirations in a public space.  Originally created by New Orleans artist Candy Chang in 2011 on an abandoned house in her neighborhood after losing someone she loved, the wall has been recreated by residents around the world.  Today there are over 350 walls in 60 countries and 25 languages.

The wall shown here, installed by Chang in the Warehouse District of New Orleans, Louisiana, celebrates the project in the city where it all began and is the first wall in New Orleans since the original abandoned house has become someone’s home again.

before I die I want to 2

I enjoyed pondering along this wall and reading the comments…  Some serious, some silly, but certainly makes you think.

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You can learn more about the project here.

How would you finish the sentence?

Before I die, I want to ___________________________________________________________.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Cheers & Hugs,
Jodi